The mighty moose continues to inhabit Minnesota’s North Woods; however, that could change, if we are to believe an unknown source who recently divulged the gobsmacking revelation as to why moose numbers are shrinking in the state of Minnesota.
It’s because the same thing is happening with the twig eater’s schnozzola. That’s right! The best available science suggests that big bulbous nose – that makes it a cartoonist’s dream – is shrinking. This astonishing revelation has captured the attention of moose researchers around the world who are frantically sniffing for clues as to why.
I’m sure we’ve all experienced “dry nose” at some point in our life. Dryness of the nose is a common symptom in response to certain adverse environmental conditions. Translate this to a horn the size a moose is born with and one can only imagine the havoc wreaked on the sensory fibers that conduct impulses to the brain from the mucous membranes of a moose’s nose.
So, what’s the adverse environmental condition? Wait for it… Climate change…which, according to the Center for Biological Adversity, is believed to be “the greatest threat” confronting this charismatic species.
The ungulate’s emblematic nose is becoming smaller and it’s directly attributable to climate change. Rising temperatures are causing the moose’s snout to dry up—shrivel—much like a plum that eventually dries to the point where it becomes a prune. Imagine a moose’s snout…no, on second thought, don’t.
Researchers are providing the first detailed anatomical analysis of the enigmatic proboscis that hangs over the lip of a moose. Harry Hornblower, a university anatomy professor, has studied the noses of many animals alive and extinct, including American comedian Jimmy Durante, French dramatist Cyrano de Bergerac, as well as prehistoric creatures like the recently discovered dinosaur Rhinorex Condrupus (which roughly means “King Nose”).
Harry used hospital equipment to examine the internal anatomy and to dissect samples of the muscular prehensile nose with widely spaced nostrils (as much space as the distance between most people’s ears) to get a closer look at the physical structure, including nerves, cartilage and other components.
One of the findings was that the moose’s unconventional nose has a mechanism for keeping water out when the moose wades into a pond and plunges underwater to pluck sodium-rich aquatic plants.
“It’s part of this hare-brained nostril apparatus that moose metamorphosed their mugs to develop,” Hornblower said.
“There are fatty pads in the nose that close under water pressure, and there are muscles that assist,” he expounded (as I have never been underwater with a moose, I’ve never checked this out, but it doesn’t amaze me).
Should these fatty pads dry up and no longer function as intended, it will lead to a stochastic series of events in which moose will likely drown when attempting to access underwater vegetation.
Biologists have also long recognized that a moose’s nose is great at sniffing out predators or potential mates (difficult not to with a nozzle that big). When an odor molecule is dissolved in the mucus of the nose, and its sensitive receptor is properly matched, the neuron becomes agitated and fires a signal to the brain. However, with diminishing scenting ability – and no signal – and given the moose’s notoriously poor eyesight, this could prove calamitous with the moose sticking his nose where it is not wanted.
With sniffing snuffled the moose may find themselves, literally, in a rut when it comes to the rut. Historical reproduction numbers will likely plummet, as will the annual testosterone driven drooling swoon of the bull moose.
Another consequence of a compressed nose is its effect on the distress call of a moose – a loud, nasal call that is used when approached by various threats such as predators or other moose. Imagine a distress call with a shriveled nose. Think of it as a muffled moose muzzle distress call. Moose will, no doubt, become more susceptible to predators, who, themselves – as a result of the moose’s anatomic transformation – may evolve traits similar to those of Africa’s maniacal laughing hyenas.
Less consequential, “ole timers” (well-seasoned hunters) are in a panic with the thought of losing the primary ingredient for their traditional autumn Jellied Moose Nose recipe or Moose Mouffle stew. This rapid evolutionary transmogrification may lead hunters to substitute canned Spam in its place.
Computer models project that by the year 2020 the moose’s iconic nose could disappear altogether! (Picture an overgrown pug with really big upright ears!) If that doesn’t strike an olfactory nerve…then what’s it gonna take?
The IPCC (Indoctrinated Panel on Climate Change) states with “virtual certainty” that there will be more frequent hot and fewer cold temperature extremes, and heat waves will occur in higher frequencies and duration. The “unsettling science” suggests countless numbers of snoutless beasts will soon succumb to the ravages of climate change, scattering our forest floors with jillions of hulking skeletons.
A Moose Suppository (oops!) Advisory Committee warned there will be very few moose remaining in Minnesota if current trends continue, signaling an urgent need for action.
While scientists race to further understand the implications for humankind—checked your nose lately?—at least we can thank the best available scientists for solving the mystery of the moose’s unprecedented decline.
You say, “That’s absolutely ridiculous!”
I know…but I bet if I say it over and over and over again, you may actually come to believe it.
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