Well into the 17th century the words “lonely” and “loneliness” rarely appeared in writing. As evidence to this reality, in 1674 a parson-naturalist named John Ray, compiled a glossary of infrequently used words. “Loneliness” made the list. Ray defined it as a term used to describe places and people “far from neighbours.”
Being lonely is an experience that has been around since the beginning of time–seems I recall God suggesting to Adam, “it is not good that man should be alone.”
In other words, loneliness didn’t just show up with coronavirus as fallout from mandatory self-isolation.
Even before this whole self-isolation thing kicked in, Great Britain set its sights on “combating” loneliness by appointing a minister of loneliness to tackle the mushrooming concern.
According to Ami Rokach, PhD, a clinical psychologist who has been researching and teaching about loneliness for the past 35 years, “It’s something every single one of us deals with from time to time and can occur during life transitions such as the death of a loved one, a divorce or a move to a new place.”
Researchers refer to this kind of loneliness as “reactive” loneliness; however, as Rokach notes, “Problems can arise when the experience of loneliness becomes chronic.
“If reactive loneliness is painful,” contends Rokach, “chronic loneliness is torturous.”
Psychologist Louise Hawkley, PhD, a senior research scientist at the National Organization for Research (NORC) at the University of Chicago, explains, “Chronic loneliness is most likely to set in when individuals either don’t have the emotional, mental or financial resources to get out and satisfy their social needs or they lack a social circle that can provide these benefits.”
Consider the most recent US census data. It reveals that more than a quarter of our population lives alone–the highest rate ever recorded.
In addition, more than half of the population is unmarried, and marriage rates and the number of children per household have declined since the previous census. Also significant is the fact that an increasing percentage of Americans report no religious affiliation.
“Isolation tends to exhaust the energy charge of the soul,” wrote some nameless individual from Chicago in the early part of the twentieth century.
Amelia Worsley, Assistant Professor of English at Amherst College, in a March 19, 2018, article titled The Dangers of Venturing into ‘Lonelinesses points out, “In the 17th century, when loneliness was usually relegated to the space outside the city, solving it was easy. It merely required a return to society. However, loneliness has since moved inward– and has become much harder to cure. Because it’s taken up residence inside minds, even the minds of people living in bustling cities, it can’t always be solved by company. Modern loneliness isn’t just about being physically removed from other people. Instead, it’s an emotional state of feeling apart from others–without necessarily being so.”
Recall the haunting lyrics to John Denver’s 1982 “Seasons of the Heart,” “When I’m lying right beside you…is when I’m most alone”.
“While the harmful effects of loneliness are well established in research literature, finding solutions to curb chronic loneliness has proven more challenging,” says Julianne Holt-Lunstad, psychologist at Brigham Young University.
Let’s switch gears a bit and look at an in-depth study by Swiss and Dutch researchers that have become part of an emerging body of research on religion and mental health. A study that ventures into the arena of loneliness.
David Briggs, who authors a column on religion research for the Association of Religion Data Archives, addressed the research findings of the Romanian study in his October 2017 column “Ahead of the Trend.”
“Researchers are finding that both the social networks provided by religious communities and the intrinsic belief of being cared for by a loving divinity appear to protect against loneliness and related mental health dangers from depression to contemplating suicide,” cites Briggs.
“Having a ‘best friend’ in God can make a major difference,” concluded researchers.
Quoting a 70-year-old Romanian woman, Ileana, who migrated from communist Romania to Switzerland, “There was only one place to turn. In life I was disappointed by friends. Friend is only God. He knows me, I pray, I tell him my sorrow and He understands me,” she told researchers studying the relationship between religion and loneliness among Romanian migrants.
“In their fieldwork among 30 Romanian migrants, researchers identified several protective elements of faith, including being comforted by a divinity they believe is by their side,” wrote Briggs.
Viviana, 51, a more recent Romanian immigrant to France, said faith is the ‘pillar’ she relies on in her new home in France.
“I do not have any other support; I’ve never had any other support. We were always alone; alone I mean, us the family, but we always succeeded only through God,” she said.
The psalmist David, who grew up in the rugged hills outside the town of Bethlehem, experienced bouts of loneliness throughout his life, yet among his poetic prose are found these words:
Where could I go to get away from your spirit? Where could I go to escape your presence? If I went up to heaven, you would be there. If I went down to the grave, you would be there too! If I could fly on the wings of dawn, stopping to rest only on the far side of the ocean– even there your hand would guide me; even there your strong hand would hold me tight!
–Psalm 139:7-10 Common English Bible (CEB)
“Turn to me, God, and have mercy on me because I’m alone and suffering.”
– Psalm 25:16 (CEB)
There is a way to reverse this “lonely-making” trend …
Former Cook County Commissioner Garry Gamble is writing this ongoing column about the various ways government works, as well as other topics. At times the column is editorial in nature.
Leave a Reply