Night. In the back alley of a community theater, Rob waits patiently until finally, from within, a skeleton, SCOTT, emerges. Scott is approximately 206 bones. He’s wearing trousers, a sport coat, and a scarf. ROB: You must be Scott. SCOTT: In the flesh. (off Rob’s look) –It’s just an expression. R: Good to meet you. Let’s jump right in. I,... READ MORE >
Friends have asked why I haven’t written about my four-year-old daughter. Some know me as a dotting dad and conjectured that I was too deeply in love to make fun of her. Incorrect. I only make fun of people I love. And golfers and pickleballers. Okay, I make fun of a lot of people. But that very much includes the... READ MORE >
The funny thing about time is it’s always something I wish I had more of but the moment I have some actual free time on my hands, I have no idea what to do with it. I mean, where do I start? I could use my time to learn a new language. I understand there are many. How great would... READ MORE >
The Minnesota State Fair is held on the twelve days leading up to Labor Day. There’s way, way too much going on at The Fair to list here. So, let’s get reductive! The Fair is ANIMALS! Many animals. Mostly four legged (cows, horses, pigs). Some two legged (birds). I guess butterflies have six legs. But fish don’t have legs, I... READ MORE >
Rob Perez steps out his front door and, surprised, stops in his tracks. Rob finds himself facing a patch of Creeping Charlie, a kidney shaped leaf with scalloped edges. This herbaceous perennial is familiar to many with a yard. CREEPING CHARLIE: Hi! ROB PEREZ: Oh, I, um, thought we were meeting across the way. CC: Well, I saw you were... READ MORE >
Due to the overwhelming response (glad you liked it, Mom) to a recent column about nautical terminology, this is a kind of follow-up. Thus, I give you boat names. [Warning. This column contains more than your recommended daily allowance of puns. This is not my preference. This is how it must be.] Let’s start with the question: Why name your... READ MORE >
The phrase “back to school” means different things to different people. To some, Back To School is a 1986 comedy starring Rodney Dangerfield where he goes well, back to school. Robert Downey Jr. is in the film. And Sam Kinison is a professor who, if you remember the comedian, is always SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS!! The gutsiest... READ MORE >
There is a craze sweeping the nation. People of all ages have flocked to this, um, well, I would call it an activity or a game, but others call it a sport. So, we’ll call it a sport, I guess. It is an unlikely craze. This sport has been around since 1965 but it’s been growing in the last decade.... READ MORE >
Everything is summer. Summertime. Summer nights. Summer fun. Summer camp. Summer love. But what’s more summer than a summer movie? The classics abound. Dirty Dancing. Jaws. Stand By Me. Do the Right Thing. Dazed and Confused. Grease. The Endless Summer. If at, say, a summer party, someone pressed me to pick one picture that is the most summer, I would... READ MORE >
On North Arm Bay of Lake Minnetonka, Rob sits on the edge of a dock. As the sun sets, Leila the Loon effortlessly floats up. Normally cool and collected, Rob now seems nervous, awkward. ROB PEREZ: Uhhh… hi. Hello. You must be Leila. LEILA: Hi Rob. RP: Wow. I… um… Wow. Thanks for—um, coming. L: No problem. RP: Forgive me... READ MORE >
