7:15 p.m. The center atrium at the mall. A large, temporary structure houses “The North Pole”, an ad-hoc collection of holiday lights and fake snow. Rob weaves his way past a “Closed” sign, through the short maze where a line usually forms, and pokes his head behind the curtain. ROB: Mall Santa? MALL SANTA: You must be Ron? R: Actually,... READ MORE >
In America, every four years the word “football” is surprisingly unclear. Americans know the word “football” to mean a sport played with an oblong ball and very little foot. In the rest of the world, the word “football” refers to a sport that is played almost exclusively with a foot. Hence the name of the sport. Why do Americans refer... READ MORE >
While I am quite fond of the Vince Guaraldi, the solo artist and his Trio, there are limits to my affection. I happen to dislike Christmas songs. Yes, each and every one of them. Even the ones by the Vince Guaraldi and his Trio. Some people call them holiday songs but let’s call it like it is. These are Christmas... READ MORE >
There are many Thanksgiving traditions worthy of celebration: stuffing (some call it dressing) and gravy; potatoes – mashed and sweet; family and football; mulled wine and more mulled wine. But my favorite Thanksgiving tradition has to be The Poor Dinner Guest. The Poor Dinner Guest is not your ordinary poor dinner guest. To spoil a dinner party, a guest need... READ MORE >
University of Glasgow, Scotland. 1848. The University Café is filled with Professors eating lunch. William Thompson, 24, sits at a table, his notes spread out in front of him, impatiently waiting for a colleague. Finally, George Williams, 30, joins, sitting across from William. George: I am starving. William: George, you’re not going to believe this! G: What’s the special? Haggis?... READ MORE >
The thing about fall is that it’s not winter. Winter is winter. Winter comes right after fall. Fall is, try to stay with me here, directly after summer. The season of fall is named after a guy who first noticed the temperature dropping and, for some reason, coincidentally, was always dropping stuff. And, in another pretty big coincidence, his name... READ MORE >
The Superior National Forest sits on approximately three million acres in Minnesota’s Arrowhead and was established in 1909. One assumes a sign announcing The Forest that is on Highway 61 and just West of Tofte, Minnesota was erected shortly thereafter. The large, four-sided, oblong sign says, “Superior National Forest” in two different fonts. Beneath that sign is another, separate, tiny,... READ MORE >
The evening is coming when children, and I use that term “children” loosely, will come to my door, dressed in costumes that range from cute to the macabre to the barely there. These little people will hold their bag of candy/loot in front of me and utter the phrase “Trick or Treat”. I am not a monster. I will not... READ MORE >
October is the month where everyone tries to scare me. They plant ghosts and goblins and witches and skeletons in their front yard. And, yes, if you’re into property values, then clutter is indeed a bit scary. Then again, if the goal really is to frighten me, why on earth would you dress these decorations up in funny costumes? I’ve... READ MORE >
Warning: This column, starting with the title, will require some German. Even if you’re just reading silently, feel free to mispronounce them in your head. Octoberfest, or Volkfest as it’s known in Germany, is a traveling carnival in Munich, Bavaria (that’s in Germany, which is in Europe) where they serve beer. Fun fact: the vast majority of Octoberfest is in... READ MORE >
