Where are the fish biting?

Jon at Buck’s Hardware Hank submits this week’s report:

People will often ask me for information to help with their fishing prowess. They’ll ask, “ How do you know which depth to fish and what to use for bait?” It’s not as though I talk with other fishermen to determine where they’ve been fishing for the past week or how productive it’s been. No, no… I’ve got a map on a wall with all the lakes of Cook County and another poster with various types of bait pictured.

So I grab me a whiskey Coke, stir the ice three times, and toss a dart at each target. One for the lake and one for the bait. Easy peasy.

To determine where to fish, I take a long look at the lake from the boat landing and try to find all the fishermen. If I see them in the middle of the lake they must be fishing deep. If they’re next to the shore, they must be fishing shallow. Then I casually watch until I see someone pull up a fish.

Now here’s the easy part, just pull up real close to them and start fishing. Pay no attention to the insults and swear words which may be hurled in your direction. Just feign a little deafness. Pretend to adjust that old hearing aid. It’s a free country, go ahead and fish wherever you want. Besides, they’ll probably hoist anchor and cruise leaving you with a prime fishing spot. No need for fancyschmancy electronics or studying movements of fish or water temperature measurements. This method is much cheaper, much easier, and guaranteed to increase the love other fishermen will have for you.

Another way to earn the love of fishermen is to be a klutz around the boat landing. Why back your boat into the water in one shot when three or four attempts will earn the love and respect of the others at the landing? There’s nothing like the feeling of jackknifing your trailer in front a group of waiting fisherman as they shoot “idiot beams” out of their eyes at you.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you do it right? You know, you pull up, line up the boat and dock and back the boat perfectly into the water and…there’s no one there to see this happen. No, there’s only people watching when you goof it up. Cue heckling, jeering, laughter, and whatever else can be launched toward the amateur backer-upper. All I have to say to those who jeer is I will be there, in spirit anyway, when you forget to put in the boat plug and you’re staring at your boat sunk to the bottom, “Hey, that happened to me yesterday!”