Where are the fish biting?

Jon at Buck’s Hardware Hank opens the season with spring’s first report:

Snow is falling in late May, so it must be time for the Fish Report again.

The opener last week was about as fruitful as I suspected. Lots of fishermen complaining about how slow the fishing was. Nothing new as far as I know because even this old, lousy fisherman knows that catching fish before the first of June up here is an anomaly. The true crusty fisherman never starts complaining until after the end of May.

Rumors are around that in some lakes the walleyes have left the shallows already and headed down a little deeper. So if you’re not having any success, try somewhere else. Because that is the essence of fishing, isn’t it? “Nothing here, better try somewhere else.”

Akin to that I received some excellent advice this past week on how to fish the walleyes. “Make sure you get the bait down to the fish, but don’t drop it so deep as to pass them by.” Sounds pretty good to me. I mean, how can you argue with such meaningful advice as that? Talk about a readymade excuse, “No, I didn’t catch anything, I must have dropped the bait past the fish all day.” I haven’t used that one yet but it’ll sit in the excuse tackle box waiting for the right moment to cast upon the waters of doubt.

I think I better get a whole slew of excuses ready to go for the summer. I need at least 10 of them. If you have any classic responses you can stop by the store and fill me in on them. I’m always looking for new ways to excuse my incredible fishing abilities.