For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced… . For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
(2 Corinthians 1:8-9 ESV)
These are the words of the Apostle Paul written in a letter he wrote to fellow Believers. They are not words of exaggeration, as anyone who has ever struggled with depression knows. There are many reasons for depression and despair and they can overwhelm anyone, regardless of their lifestyle, or their emotional or spiritual resources.
I am not an expert on the subject, but I have been the subject of depression.
For some it starts with a depleted source of the necessary chemicals in the brain. There is no clear life experience that has brought it on… there is nothing to “fix” in their life that can relieve their emotional exhaustion. If this is your experience, I can only say that I am utterly out of my depth. Get ahold of someone, an advocate who will help you find the medical help you need. Meet with a professional who can help you determine how serious your situation is and help you search out your options. You have nothing more to be ashamed of than someone who needs to take insulin to compensate for a damaged pancreas.
For others, like the Apostle Paul and myself, the depression is linked to a life event that sucks all the marrow out of our spiritual bones. In such instances, the stress has dried up all the physical resources and spiritual resiliency that we have built up and it leaves us with a boat anchor that sits on our soul. This situation is not less serious than the other, and it may even require similar intervention to get through. But it can also be an experience that builds new reserves and a deeper peace when you do get through it.
First, I found it was crucial to stay connected to friends and the Church. Isolation is death. Staying connected didn’t solve my “problems,” but being with friends helped create little islands of relief and hope that resuscitated my heart! It isn’t easy to reach out, but it is an investment that empowers!
My spiritual life consisted of prayer and worship… dwelling a lot on “your kingdom come and will be done” on one hand, while trying to be as emotionally honest with God as I could on the other. A few good friends stuck with me and listened. I was wading through the wreckage that I felt my life had become holding on to the slimmest of hopes that God would reach out to me and somehow sustain me. That pretty much sums up my spiritual game plan…hold out, hope, fight the darkness.
I was about two years in on this journey that seemed to be getting slowly darker when I was met by God.
My encounter was surrounded by ordinariness. It was early in the morning while I was half asleep. God met with me and assured me that I was not abandoned, discarded or rejected. In fact, my experience was of God’s overwhelming love. It didn’t change my situation. I would be six more years facing the same challenging life experiences that had overwhelmed me, but I was no longer overwhelmed. As a matter of fact, I emerged a person with much less fear and much more peace coming out of those years than I was going into them.
Paul found resurrection from the death that was within him as well. He didn’t have another Damascus Road experience with blinding light and a great voice. Paul just held on for the God who, in good time, quietly “delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us…. And He will yet deliver us!”
Hold on. Stay faithful. Be honest in prayer and trust that God will meet with you. God has delivered, and will deliver, and will yet deliver.
Each month a member of the Cook County Ministerium will offer Spiritual Reflections. This month’s contributor is Pastor Dave Harvey, who has served as pastor of Grand Marais Evangelical Free Church since February of 2008.
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