Uncle Tony

 

In the cooler months, Uncle Tony is a staple around the house. Uncle Tony’s usually up at dawn, sipping coffee, enjoying the sunrise, reading the paper. Then you might not see Uncle Tony until the evening. More often than not, Uncle Tony skips happy hour and dinner altogether, emerging to read to the kids, helping with bath time. On the weekend Uncle Tony might cozy up for a movie. But Uncle Tony is not a fan of the warmer weather. One of the first unofficial signs of summer are when it heats up outside and Uncle Tony goes to the basement until fall.

Perhaps I should clarify. Uncle Tony is not a relative. Uncle Tony is a model of Sweatsedo I own and wear. For those unfamiliar the term, a Sweatsedo is a combination of two words: sweatsuit and tuxedo. A Sweatsedo is actually a velour tracksuit, which is not the same as a sweatsuit. A sweatsuit is what Rocky Balboa runs the streets of Philadelphia in, something made for exercise and sweat. A tracksuit, on the other hand, is for neither performance nor sweat. Rather, a tracksuit is leisure wear but, I’m guessing that “leisure suit” was already taken so they called it a tracksuit. A tracksuit is what NBA players wear on the sidelines waiting to get into game. So really, the Sweatsedo should be called a Tracksedo, but I suppose that doesn’t have that same alluring alliteration the brand appreciates.

A brief history of the tracksuit according to the internet: Originally dubbed “the Sunday suit”, the tracksuit was created in 1939 in France by Le Coq Sportif. In 1967 Adidas got in on the action. The 70s was disco music and velour tracksuits. There was nothing else in the 70s. The 80s moved to windbreaky er tracksuits. I have no idea what went down in the 90s but, according to Vogue, and thanks to J. Lo, Kim Kardashian, and Paris Hilton “the early 2000s can be summed up with velour.” And that’s enough tracksuit history for this lifetime.

But back to the Sweatsedo. Uncle Tony was a gift, given to me by the parents of my goddaughter, a symbolic gesture that I was now officially a Godfather. I received the gift partly skeptical, partly thrilled. I soon learned Uncle Tony is warm, washes easily, and was the most comfortable thing I own. After many years together, The Wife still raises a skeptical eyebrow every time I’m wearing the ensemble. Though I did wear my Sweatsedo significantly more often during the pandemic lockdown, there are limits, at least for me, to his range. I think of Uncle Tony as around-the-house wear, but The Wife thinks of Uncle Tony as inside-the-house wear. I guess we don’t have to agree on everything. Anyway, I should also perhaps note that once, in a pinch, I added a gold chain and sunglasses and turned Uncle Tony into a Halloween costume that was Old Elvis.

Of course, Uncle Tony is but one model of Sweatsedo. There are many different looks with enjoyable names such as El Tigre, Black Widow, and the Party Gras. The Women’s line offers pants with a hint of flair, reminiscent of a bellbottom without getting all the way there. Here you will find The Betsey Ross, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, and a line Bridesmaids. If your curiosity is piqued, head to sweatsedo.com. Then follow your instinct.

Look, I am not an expert on textiles, but I can tell you that velour is soft and plush. I don’t use the word “plush” a lot but I’m willing to make an exception for velour. Also, Velour is warm. Man is it warm. You may not see a lot of velour at any point in your life, but you won’t see a stich of it in summer. But that’s what makes it perfect winter lounge wear. Velour also might be (no official has confirmed or denied) a close cousin to both velvet and velveteen. Velveteen is a textile made famous by a forgotten rabbit. Velvet, on the other hand, was a textile made famous by nobility, a forgotten class of people.

Days are longer. The weather is warmer. Uncle Tony sightings are more infrequent. One day soon we will see Uncle Tony until the fall. Uncle Tony believes the search for absolute leisure is like a search for enlightenment, a never-ending quest, not a destination but a jouney. Enjoy the off-season, Uncle Tony. You’ve earned it.