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The air is dry, brisk. The leaves are orange, yellow. The birds migrate south, southwest. Many call this time of year “Football”.
The average NFL game is a little more than three hours but if you catch the pregame show, the halftime breakdown, the post-game interviews, and the local breakdown then you’ve got to be ready to commit more. Much more. Some say that’s a lot of hype and breakdown for approximately 11 minutes of action, but others say that you’re either a football fan or you’re not. If you’re a fan of not just your team, but the sport, at the very least you’ll want to catch the extended highlights from around the league. Then you must see how your fantasy team did. (I will not take your fantasy team seriously but by all means, knock yourself out.)
If you want to sit in your man cave for the better part of Sunday, it’s a free country. By all means – let freedom ring.
It’s time for wings, pizzas, nachos, and beer. Oh, how there is beer! The true fan will be unreachable to discuss anything unrelated to football at any point on Sunday. And Monday night. Or Thursday night. And the occasional Saturday.
I am a fan of the sport, somewhere between casual and fair-weather, and I am not above jumping on a bandwagon. But there are things to watch out for during football season. Beware the metaphor.
These days many are returning to in-person workplaces and that means Monday morning staff meetings will be lousy with metaphor.
These are hard yards, team! We’ve got to focus on fundamentals!
Come on, Bob. I thought this was a lumber company.
Let’s stick with the playbook, guys! These are just Xs and Os here!
Okay, Jim. All this time I just thought we were waiting tables.
It’s third and long here, guys! We gotta move the chains!
Take it easy, Deb. This is a software company.
Look, you’re a team player. You want to help get that “W”. So how do you navigate the metaphor?
Occasionally I try a trick play.
A mixed metaphor is usually something I stay away from. But sometimes, say for example, if there’s a football-crazed boss (or colleague) in the mix, maybe try one on for size.
When they say: You dropped the ball. You say: Yeah, that was a swing and a miss, Jerry. And watch Jerry slowly nod, confused.
But you better have more in the playbook. Sometimes you need to move through your progressions and make quick decisions. Try a hurry-up offense before your boss gets set.
When your boss says: We cannot be stopped at the one-yard line. You say: One hundred percent, Deb. We’re not going to be satisfied with three. We want a quick six and they want a pick six. That’s why we have a red-zone offense! And watch Deb, almost unconsciously, lean and take a small step back.
Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Sell the play action. If they collapse too soon, burn ‘em with the long ball.
They say: We need a Hail Mary. You say: Well, Bill, we could play it safe, take a knee, and try to get it back in the second half. (pause) OR… we go beast mode, show ‘em long ball, give ‘em long ball, and let our gunslinger air it out. Our receivers will go up and snatch that pigskin right out of the sky! Then watch Bill really hesitate before he tries another football metaphor on you.
But more than a metaphor, sometimes it’s as simple as some colleagues talking about a game you know nothing about. In that situation, try these three words: What’s the spread? Unless they’re actual bookies that usually slows ‘em down.
Of course, you may be tempted to just sit this one out. The season is so long it goes to Valentine’s Day. (Arguably, the romantic opportunity of a lifetime. But that’s an article for another day.)
American football is a sport you don’t want to watch from the sidelines. Get in the game. Show ‘em different looks. Punt on first down if you have to. Just keep them guessing until you find yourself in midseason form.
Pretty soon you’ll read the blitz, call an audible. Try a hard count: Omaha!! This might just be a check down. Hit a screen, try a run-pass options, and focus on yards after the catch. Before you know it, your West Coast offense is humming.
Then you have options. Show ‘em wildcat. Call a bootleg followed by an end-around. Then work out of the shotgun, spread the field, and punch it through the A-gap for six!
Worse comes to worse, just ask: WWVLD? What would Vince Lombardi do? You don’t have actually know what Vince Lombardi would do to improve quarterly regional sales. All you need to know is everyone will assume Vince Lombardi (and by proxy, you) would figure it out.
They say football is a game of inches. Maybe. But football season is a game of attrition. It’s full contact so be ready to play through the injuries. As we inch our way toward the off-season/not football season/Valentine’s Day/ The romantic opportunity of a Lifetime, know that seasons are long and hard-fought so pace yourself.
Put your shoulder down. Grab some nachos. And a beer. And a slice of pizza. Maybe another beer and a few wings and better get two more beers. You will need your energy. This is football. You’re on the gridiron.
This is any given Sunday. And Monday and Thursday night. And some Saturdays.
Who knows? This may come down to the two-minute drill. These things often come down to the final seconds and when the clock runs out, you’ll want to know you left it all out there.
The last thing anyone wants is for this to go into overtime.
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