The True Distinction

 

Fans and critics alike have called Beyond Reason many names but one thing they have never called Beyond Reason is: a Pulitzer Prize winning column. Yes, this week the winners for the Pulitzer’s were announced and I’m happy to report that Beyond Reason remains neither a finalist nor the winner of this year’s Pulitzer Prize in Commentary! Not winning a Pulitzer in Commentary evokes many feelings but mostly it makes me relieved.

Columbia University gives out fifteen Pulitzers every year to unsuspecting journalists. Winners take home some dough and a certificate and then have to answer questions from other journalists who have not won a Pulitzer about what it’s like to win a Pulitzer.

No one likes to say it, but the truth is winning a Pulitzer Prize is a big hassle. For example, readers now read Pulitzer Prize winning journalists and expect their work to make an actual point. Sheesh.

Also, when you win a Pulitzer in Commentary, more people ask to borrow money. “Say, Mac. How’s about sending a finsky my way?” “Maybe yous could pick up the tab once in a while, see?” I don’t know why solicitors talk in old-timey gangster voices – but they do.

Pulitzer Prize winners in Commentary also constantly have their meals comped. But what do you tip on a free meal? Because 15 percent of nothing is nothing but if it’s great service, I like to give 20 percent so it’s a conundrum.

On the one hand, signing autographs is the least a Pulitzer Prize winner in Commentary can do for a fan. Here you go little Timmy. But winners might spend entire days doing this and end up with a hand cramps.

Personally, the thing I most want to avoid by not winning a Pulitzer in Commentary is the hullabaloo. Have you ever been on parade float making eye contact, a smile plastered to the mug, waving nonstop? No thank you.

And once you win a Pulitzer in Commentary someone might ask: Oh, you won a Pulitzer? Just one?

This year’s Pulitzer Prize winner in Commentary went to a guy who wrote “measured and persuasive columns that document how Alabama’s Confederate heritage still colors the present with racism and exclusion.” Hats off to him because I have no idea how he made that funny.

Look, not winning a Pulitzer in Commentary is about work ethic. The instinct for hard work is hard to resist: write; rewrite; polish! But with dedication and discipline, I take it real easy to give Beyond Reason that first-draft veneer that loyal readers have come to expect.

Did you know they give out a Pulitzer in Commentary every year?! You work in this business long enough and it’s almost impossible not to get one thrust in your hand. Yes, the true distinction is in not getting anywhere near the thing, not as a finalist and certainly not as a winner. Thankfully, Beyond Reason is, at least this year, neither.

But the truth is I could never have not won this Pulitzer alone. I have so many people to thank for not winning a Pulitzer. First of all, thank you to my beautiful wife. She is my favorite distraction, directing me to household chores and meal preparations when I could be writing. I must also thank my kids who keep me from rewriting by reliably and inexplicably putting themselves in harm’s way. Finally, I must thank the many Pickleball players who are constantly complaining about my column. It indeed takes a village. Thank you all so much.