In my own experiences as a coach, and in my numerous conversations with fellow coaches throughout the high school ranks, the main source of parent-coach conflicts usually stems from the issue of playing time. “Why doesn’t my son/daughter play more?” is a frequent question that parents ask coaches. Sometimes the conversations go well, but unfortunately, sometimes this conversation leads to frustrated parents and exasperated coaches.
I have even had a parent tell me, “I think my son plays too much.” While 99.9% of my interactions with parents are positive in nature, the .1% of negative interactions are always the ones that keep you up at night. Playing time is often the issue.
While many parents tend to have a somewhat narrow focus when it comes to their son or daughter, conflicts tend to rise when a coach hasn’t explained how playing time is determined. If playing time isn’t specifically addressed to parents at the beginning of the season, it should at least be explained to the athletes participating. In the bestcase scenario, a coach has the opportunity to talk to parents at a “parent’s meeting” before the season begins.
Playing time is often more complicated than the average fan realizes. Besides the obvious standards of passing your classes and staying out of trouble, playing time at the varsity level is primarily centered on an athlete’s overall talent.
In football, the best 11 offensive players start on offense. Thesame is true on the defensive side of the ball. In basketball, the five most talented basketball players usually start. Student-athletes at the varsity level have to earn
playing time, it is not a gift handed out to the older kids and then filtered down to the rest. There are, however, exceptions to every rule.
Missing practice is often a reason that an athlete has reduced playing time. At the varsity level especially, teams prepare for strategies that will be specific to their opponent. Even if a student-athlete has an excused absence, it is tough for him or her to be prepared to play if they haven’t learned the game plan for the opponent they are facing.
If a student misses practice for other nonessential reasons like: shopping, getting their hair done, attending a concert, going to a movie, etc. (all excuses I have been given), then an athlete’s playing time, or lack of it, might reflect his or her actual dedication to the team. In team sports, attending practice is essential.
Coaches also realize that anytime they make an exception to a rule, that they are also setting a future precedent. This can get complicated, especially if you are a coach who believes that family comes before anything else. Family reunions, family trips, funerals, weddings, etc. may all be very good reasons to miss practice. What about a family friend up visiting for the day, or an athlete who tells the coach that his mom needs him to help pack for her vacation? Where is the line drawn? There is no easy answer, as an athlete is always better prepared for a game when they are in practice rather than when they are absent from it.
When I was a kid, I was brought up in an environment where you didn’t miss practice. A headache wasn’t being sick and an injury wasn’t a sore ankle. I didn’t look for ways to miss practice. I planned ahead so I could be at every practice.
Besides attending practice and having talent, what else affects a student-athlete’s playing time? Sometimes as a coach, you want to protect an athlete. For example, sometimes you don’t want to play a freshman in a football game because they are not physically ready to compete against older, more mature competitors.
In addition, sometimes I won’t play a young basketball player against a really good team if they don’t know the plays or their position on defense. I want to protect that younger player from being embarrassed. My job as a coach is to put players in the best possible position to succeed. If I put an athlete in a position to fail, will they enjoy the sport just because they got more playing time? I don’t think so. What if they play a little less time, but have a higher chance of success? I think this is a better approach to team sports at the varsity and junior varsity levels.
There are many other factors that affect playing time as well: team chemistry, off the field/court behavior, work ethic, and special situations. All of these scenarios must be carefully considered.
More than anything, however, coaches and parents need to communicate clearly and in a positive way with one another. In situations where either a player or a parent is upset, coaches need to communicate clearly and honestly about why that athlete isn’t playing. At the same time, parents need to go into these conversations with an open mind and without a defense attorney’s mind frame.
Sometimes what a student says at home isn’t actually the truth. It is always good to have a good honest conversation with the coach. If uncomfortable with the coach, try talking to the athletic director. Sometimes this is a great way to mediate a tense scenario.
Coaches coach because they love to work with young people; not because they are out to get them. I haven’t met a single coach in any sport that I have worked with who hasn’t cared about each and every one of his or her athletes. Involved parents love their children and there is nothing more positive to an athletic program than supportive parents.
As coaches and parents, let’s work together to give our athletes the very best high school athletics has to offer. It starts with clear communication and continues with caring for our young people.
Mitch Dorr, a Cook County
High School Class of 1993
graduate, is now a social
studies teacher and coach at
his former alma mater. Mitch
coaches Vikings football and
boys’ basketball. Coach Dorr’s
comments do not necessarily
reflect the opinion of the
ISD 166 school board or
administration.
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