The recent loss of yet another high school classmate has me in a reflective mode. I pulled out old journals, letters and pictures from 1982. I will be honest; the day I graduated I was positive I knew everything. I thought I was grown up and I also thought, “Whew, now I’m in charge of my own life and it’s smooth sailing from here!”
No offense to my parents, but clearly they were holding me back with all their rules and curfews. Something I would never impose on my children! Yes, I actually wrote this in my journal. (Please don’t tell my kids.)
Growing up and graduating in a small town like Grand Marais was confining. Everybody knew everybody and you couldn’t get away with much. Let me tell you if you called in to your job sick and someone saw you downtown your boss would hear all about it. Even if you were just buying cold medicine at the pharmacy…. you better be coughing up a lung in the parking lot or you’d be in trouble. At the time I didn’t like it. I couldn’t wait—freedom and change!
I tried to compile a list of all the things I thought I knew at 18 that turned out to be false by the time I was 50. Here are my top five:
One: At 18 I thought I had to win every argument. I thought the other person had to give in and believe I was right and they were wrong. I could argue a point all day long. It was too bad we didn’t have a debate team at Cook County High School. My brother and I would have led the team as we had many years of practice. Now at 50 I realize it’s not so important to be right…it’s important to try to see both sides and it’s ok to admit it when you’re wrong.
Two: At 18 I thought looks were everything. A guy could be the greatest guy in the world but if he wasn’t “hot” he didn’t have a chance. It took me awhile to appreciate people for their kindness and great sense of humor. As high school girls we pass by some of the nicest guys and now I think—man, he was the cream of the crop. I wish I had appreciated the “nice” guys at school.
Three: At 18 we had friendship lines that were not crossed. If you had been snotty or mean to me in second grade there was no chance I was going to have you for a close friend in high school. At 50 I’d like to believe I’m more forgiving and now I realize many of these battles had nothing to do with me. Some kids had a hard life at home and just brought it to school. I think I passed by some pretty good friends then and I hope to recover them now.
Four: At 18 I thought my mom didn’t have a clue. She had never been young. She had never been in love and she didn’t understand one thing I was going through in my life. At 50 I know all of this to be a crock. Moms know a lot, we just didn’t listen back then. I love to tell my daughter, “I’ve been 20, you haven’t been 50 let’s just keep it at that.”
Five: At 18 I certainly did not appreciate the benefits of growing up in a small town. At 50 I love knowing people who have been with me from the day I was born. I know classmates who sat next to me in Mrs. Wegstein’s kindergarten class and walked across the stage with me to get my diploma. I appreciate that wherever the journey takes me I always have a small town to call home.
It is good to have an end to journey
toward, but it is the journey that
matters in the end.
Ernest Hemingway
Taste of Home columnist Sandy (Anderson) Holthaus lives on a farm in South Haven, MN with her husband, Michael, and their children Zoe, Jack and Ben. Her heart remains on the North Shore where she grew up with her parents, Art and LaVonne Anderson of Schroeder. She enjoys writing about her childhood and mixes memories with delicious helpings of home-style recipes.
Leave a Reply