May is mental health month. While 1 in 5 people will experience mental illness during their lifetime, everyone faces challenges in life that can impact their mental health. Violence Prevention Center works with all who have been subjected to and affected by domestic and sexual violence in Cook County, including folks who have mental health conditions and are in unsafe situations. Can abuse be caused by a partner’s mental health condition? While serious mental health conditions can negatively affect relationships they do not solely cause abuse.
Mental health conditions can impact areas of a person’s life, such as work, school, personal and professional relationships etc. Consequences of abusive behavior are often present primarily in one’s intimate partner relationships and/ or within the immediate family. It is common that an abusive partner may not show their negative or harmful behaviors with people outside these relationships. This pattern can be incredibly isolating to the victim/survivor of the abuse because it can cause them concern that they will not be believed if they seek support or that they are the cause of the abuse. If the abuse were caused by mental health conditions the partner could also subject extended family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and community members etc. to abuse as well. It is important to note that there are many individuals who have mental health conditions who are in mutually healthy and supportive relationships.
The following questions may help clarify whether someone’s behavior is abuse or abuse with mental health conditions. Does this person do the following to others outside of their partnered relationships of immediate family?
Yell or scream at or scare or purposefully intimate others?
Make others check in to see where they’re at and who they’re with at all times?
Hit or physically harm others?
Minimize or verbally tear others down?
Make threats to others?
Ignore others’ physical and sexual boundaries?
If you answered no to most of the questions then this person may be choosing to abuse without mental health conditions. If you answered yes to most of the questions, then it’s possible this person may be presenting with abusive behavior and may be experiencing some form of mental health condition.
Another pattern I have commonly witnessed throughout my career is when a person who is choosing to abuse a victim/ survivor with mental health conditions uses those conditions as a way to excuse, minimize, and blame them for the abuse. People that choose to abuse their partner or family members with mental health conditions can also use the victim/survivors’ condition as a way to dismiss the abuse and even lie about it; this is called scapegoating. When this happens the victim/survivor can become the targeted person and be seen as abusive or untrustworthy which can lead others to not believe or support the victim/survivor. Often the abusive party may express their concern about the victim/survivor’s mental health conditions to others outside of the relationship including medical and mental health professionals as a way to portray concern for the person all while continuing to hide or lie about the abuse they were subjecting the victim/ survivor to in private.
It is important to be aware of the fact that being subjected to abuse can cause mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorders amongst other mental health disorders. When someone has pre-existing mental health condition and is being subjected to abuse it can greatly exacerbate symptoms. When it comes to supporting someone withy mental health conditions who is also being subjected to abuse it is necessary to recognize the manipulative patterns that those that choose to abuse often utilize. These patterns are often used to discredit and isolate victims/ survivors, control the image the abusive person wishes to portray to others, and maintain power in the abusive relationship.
Because our community deserves to thrive together free of violence it is important to pay attention to fellow community members. If you know of someone being subjected to abuse it is important to offer safe and confidential support for those people and/or connect them to a domestic and sexual violence agency such as Violence Prevention Center.
If you know someone is subjecting another person to abuse please contact Violence Prevention Center at 218-387-1262 to process the safest way to handle the situation, because silence hides violence. Abuse is a choice someone makes in order to maintain power and control over another person. Every single person in our wonderful little community deserves to have healthy, loving, supportive, trusting and safe relationships.
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