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July is red hot, filled to the brim with dinners on the patio, swimming, summer camps, mosquitos and, of course, tennis. But July is a unique month in that it is also the time we celebrate The Wife’s birthday. Thus, I was thinking of some nice things I could get her: jewelry; a pony; a day at the spa; romantic dinner; cleaner children, etc.
But I love The Wife. I really do. So, I really want to get her something thoughtful. I want to get her something exciting, nuanced, new, and personal. But I also want to get her something she wouldn’t get herself. I want to get her something she will remember forever.
Anybody can get The Wife material things. But I am in a unique position to get The Wife something most people wouldn’t even dream about. Thus, I decided to get The Wife the gift of a lifetime. This year, for The Wife’s birthday, I am going to give The Wife… a Birthday Column!
Yes, one Beyond Reason, the whole enchilada, top to bottom, soup to nuts, A to Z, all for The Wife. Beyond Reason gets personal, but in a good way! Is there a more thrilling gift than Beyond Reason? It depends on who you ask, I suppose. But I’m asking me. And my answer is: Beyond Reason thrilling and opportunistic.
And yet, before I begin my thrilling, personal, one-of-a-kind, just-for-The-Wife Birthday Column, I must consider the demands of the syndicates and potential syndicates: Can it travel? Does it reach all the demographics? And the answer to those questions is a resounding: sometimes. Thus, in an effort to appease the syndicates (not mafia related, I don’t think), I will write a very personal Beyond Reason, a Birthday-Column-just-for-The-Wife that speaks for others who wish to wish their own loved one, maybe The Wife, maybe just A Wife: Happy Birthday!
But it turns out, The Wife isn’t the only one with a birthday this month. For some reason, July is a big month for birthdays. This month, we celebrate birthdays for The Wife, The Daughter, and The Pops.
Thus, in an effort to be thrilling, personal, opportunistic, and diplomatic, I give you a Birthday Column that is especially The Wife but also for The Daughter and The Pops. And, in a pinch, maybe your loved-one.
So here goes. A justfor you, one-of-a-kind, no-one-else-like you-in-the-world/one-size-fits-all message straight from the heart:
Hi, You! Yes, you! I am thinking about You today because Today is Your Day! And, since today is your day, I have something just for you: One Beyond Reason. No, not just any old Beyond Reason (though those are great, too). One Beyond Reason, yes, the whole dang column, Just for You! These words that you read in the paper (or online) are dedicated to and inspired by You! Here are three words just for you: hullabaloo; whippersnapper; slipshod! Heck, even the punctuation in Beyond Reason was put there with You – Yes, You! – in mind! Since today is your day, I truly hope you read these words (and punctuation) and think of me thinking of You while also thinking of Beyond Reason! Many happy returns of the day – and Beyond Reason! Now, among your many cherished possessions, you may now count one newspaper column, one Beyond Reason, available both in print and online, just for you. I’m so very grateful for you and the fact that you don’t play pickleball.
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