The End?

 

I’ve been thinking (for a change). I’m usually so busy that I don’t bother, but something my brother Dave asked me in Australia has put my Thinker in gear. He asked if I’d made plans for the end of my life.

What? End of life? I hadn’t really considered it. I have a health directive, and my husband Jerry and I have joined the Minnesota Cremation Society, but that’s about all. I haven’t thought about my death or the issues we might face leading up to it. Maybe it’s time I give that a little consideration. Apparently, we don’t live forever.

Death issues have surrounded me since Dave and I talked, another wake-up call. The father of a dear friend died a few weeks ago. Harold was over 100 and had a good life, but just the same…

Another good friend has been slammed with severe heart issues, and that breaks my heart. I think illness and death is often harder for those of us on the outside. It would sure help to know what lies ahead.

My mother died at 60, paralyzed from melanoma. I remember on her last day she kept insisting, “Let me up! Let me up!” I believe she wanted to get out of that useless body, but we couldn’t think of anything to do but raise her bed. I hope she went up somewhere.

 

When my father was in hospice (at 90), he announced during a visit, “I thought I was going today.”

“Going where?” I asked.

“Wherever it is I’m supposed to go next.”

I still smile at that, yet how true! We don’t really know what comes next, though those with a deep faith feel confident they’ll be with their god. I believe there’s something beyond this life, but I have no idea what it might be. I hope it’s a grand adventure. Of course, there are those who believe there’s nothing beyond this life. We’re all different.

It’s that time before death that worries me, especially if it’s a long and difficult road. I have two close friends who have spent years caring for ailing husbands; they’ve traded most of their previous activities for care-giving. These saintly women take “Until death do us part” seriously. I applaud their loyalty and devotion. I wonder if I could be so selfless.

The flip side of that issue is that I don’t want my husband to sacrifice his activities if I’m the one failing. But what are the alternatives? More to think about.

I’m intrigued by a local group, The Death Cafe, that holds monthly open discussions about issues like these related to the end of life. They meet at the Hub on the 4th Thursday of the month, 6:30 at the HUB. Contact Jean Skeels, Pat Campanero, Suzanne Sherman, or Margy Nelson for more information. So much to think about—and talk about.

My beloved sixth grade teacher, Eddie Ryshavy, penned an essay for the Minneapolis Star Tribune when he was dying of cancer: “Thoughts for the living from one of the dying.” (Look it up.) One wise bit of advice he shared was “I find that I crave normalcy. Even though you are sorry, you are not nearly as sorry as the person dying. Make it quick and get on with behaving normally.”

Whatever awaits us, may we all preserve that normalcy as we face the end of our lives and those of our loved ones.