The Big Sell

 

The big game’s a’comin’ and every year there’s a lot of talk about the commercials. Normally commercials are a thing I avoid. During a commercial break, I usually take a stroll or engage in light banter. I might fix a snack or even, on occasion, check the laundry.

The reason I don’t give commercials my full attention is they are unreasonable. The commercial says: You need a new car. I say: I already have a car. They say: We take trade ins! I say: But I’m happy with my car. About this point I realize I’m talking to the television and decide to occupy myself with other things.

Now, my wife is in the advertising game and insists that by ignoring commercials I’m ignoring her. This is unfair and untrue. I ignore the commercials because I’m not in the market for a hard seltzer, cryptocurrency or insurance. If I wanted to ignore her, in fact, instead of listening to her speak, I would pay very close attention to the commercials.

Now some claim to watch the big game “just for the commercials”. This is untrue. I will concede these folks are not football fans but if you press the issue, you will find these people are not fans of commercials either. In fact, the real reason they’re watching is that they’re afraid to be alone.

Anyone truly interested in the commercials can see most spots before the game and all of them after. But we’ve all seen years of Superbowl commercials. They are mostly… I want to choose my words carefully… head scratchers.

If you shove five personalities into a 30 second spot and they’re not the Marx Brothers, your commercials will be rushed and confusing. So why do companies insist on giving so many celebrities speaking parts in a thirty second commercial? I think they have convinced themselves they’re making Ocean’s Eleven.

Maybe I’m old but I still remember when movie stars didn’t do commercials. Actors used to think their star would fall if they tried to sell us chips. At the very least stars would go overseas to hawk, say, perfume. Nowadays, it’s a free for all. I’ve got nothing against movie stars but at the big game I prefer them in the suites instead of the ads.

Of course, not all commercials have celebrities. Some have animals. This is supposed to tug at our heartstrings. Aww, we say. A big, strong man and his best friend, a dog. Maybe I should buy a truck that can tow a small village uphill? But frankly I’m bewildered by the ads with majestic horses that are supposed to make me want beer. I like horses. And beer. But I’ve never seen a horse, majestic or otherwise, that made me want beer.

I’ve seen a few ads with both animal and celebrity. Boy, I’d be willing to commit to buying that product/ service sight unseen. But there’s probably a reason you don’t see more of that sort of thing. Fire hazard? Unions?

Of course, there are also one-offs in the Superbowl. For some reason, once a year we all get to enjoy one ad by Avocados from Mexico. Full disclosure, I am the one person of Mexican descent who does not like avocados from Mexico or anywhere else. And let me answer your next question. No, I do not like guacamole. No, I have not had “your guacamole” but I can tell you if even one ingredient is avocado, it’s not for me. Anyway, you never hear from them all year, but they have six million dollars for a Superbowl ad? That’s a lot of avocados. In an effort to be fair, I should mention while I’m not a fan of the fruit (it is not a vegetable), I do think the jingle at the end of their ads is catchy. So, there’s that.

I’m not saying there has never been a good Superbowl commercial. But go ahead and Google The All-time Best. There are many lists. They are varied, subjective and short. But they do have one thing in common: they contain a handful of memorable ads, a couple good ones, and only one that is timeless (Thank you, Apple).

One fun fact: Millennials were the first group of people to prefer watching the commercials to the actual game. I offer that in case you were looking for another reason to dislike millennials.

Look. I get that these commercials are more expensive than the average commercial but does that make them better? It is true that sometimes the commercials are better than the game itself. But is this really a reflection of the commercials or something else – like, I dunno, maybe the game?

This may be a controversial statement, but I think – and it’s just my opinion – that at the end of the day the commercials are just trying to sell us stuff. I’m personally not in the market for crypto/insurance/a new vehicle/beer/gambling/stuff but I don’t actually have a problem with the hustle. My question is: do we need the hype? Am I really not supposed to visit the restroom for four hours? Or are they suggesting I do that sort of thing during the actual game? And when do I engage in my light banter, grab a snack, or take a stroll? And, at the risk of stating the obvious, laundry doesn’t check itself.

The big game’s a’comin’. And big games bring the big sell. Will you be ready?