In 2010, the I.S.D. 166 Communications Team summarized the results of a countywide survey. One of the key qualities people identified as desirable in all I.S.D. 166 graduates was respectful behavior. Our district’s mission statement is, “Success for Each, Respect for All.” While there is no doubt that I.S.D. 166 teachers play a role in helping students develop respectful behavior, when it comes to respect, we are all teachers.
I recently interviewed some students, grades 5-8, asking how they learn about respect. Every child listed adults and, unfortunately, TV in their responses. I then asked if they had ever seen adults act disrespectful. One student quickly replied, “Every day!”
Here are some examples they shared: adults verbally and/or physically fighting; kids being yelled at by an adult for no apparent reason; adults swearing and name calling; adults not intervening when kids were being picked on; adults not telling the truth or only giving part of the story; adults not respecting “personal space”; and even an adult slapping a child in public!
Many of the responses received, I expected. However, there was something about actually hearing young people talk about their personal experiences that alarmed me.
Last year, a group of community leaders began meeting to address respectful behavior countywide. The group developed because of local and national conversations centered on bullying in schools. The discussions quickly broadened to include the impact of adult modeling on the behaviors of children. Comments of the students I interviewed reinforce the importance of all adults modeling respectful behavior, not just parents and teachers.
Children watch what we say and do, and they learn from our actions!
Perhaps a first step in addressing bullying and all disrespectful behaviors in our children is to reflect on our own actions. If we do this carefully and honestly, we may not like what we see. An outsider to Grand Marais might observe abrasive letters to the editor; emails threatening walkouts or disruptions if people don’t get their way; community leaders raising their voices, even swearing during meetings to exert control over those around them; adults shouting commands at children; people dealing with frustrations by resorting to rumor and slander; and lots and lots of nice people just ignoring disrespectful behavior. Some may justify these behaviors as okay because children are not present; but if adults act like this when we are together, couldn’t these disrespectful habits easily emerge in the presence of children?
People are drawn to Cook County for many reasons; the people who live here are one of them. Folks here are independent, creative, resourceful, intelligent, forthright, forgiving and so much more. And, we are all teachers, 24/7. In a focused effort to teach our children respect, please consider the following: 1. Direct students toward what we want, rather than focus on the negative (e.g. “Please walk” instead of “Don’t run!”). 2. Use respectful language, avoiding vulgar terms. 3. When correcting a child, refer to the behavior as inappropriate, not the child. 4. Be honest. 5. Acknowledge and praise respectful behavior. 6. Use “please” and “thank you,” especially with children. 7. Don’t just talk at our young people, listen to them. 8. Actively intervene when people of any age are acting disrespectfully. 9. Monitor television and use it as a teaching tool to point out respectful and disrespectful behaviors. 10. Accept responsibility and sincerely apologize when mistakes are made or misunderstandings occur. 11. Accept apologies and also genuine efforts to restore relationships. 12. Work to resolve conflicts in positive, productive ways; focusing on issues, not personalities.
Some readers may criticize the simplicity of this challenge or feel I am being condescending. While the ideas may be simple, they are not always easy for any of us, myself included. My hope is that everyone who reads this recognizes it as a call to intentional action.
If we truly want disrespectful behaviors to subside, if we want our graduates to learn and display respect, and if we want our schools and community to be places where “Respect for All” is more than just part of a slogan, then each and everyone of us must actively and outwardly practice respect. Each month a representative of our local schools will offer thoughts in Issues in Education. This month’s contributor is Beth Schwarz, superintendent of School District 166.
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