Sticks and stones

 

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Or, “I’m rubber and you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Those may have helped us through bullying scenarios on the playground or in the sandbox, but perhaps the forgotten phrase “say what you mean and mean what you say” is more useful now than ever.

We are a generation so full of social anxiety that being upfront can be downright difficult, as a whole, our generation is very tentative with rebukes or reproving. We are afraid to give our friends advice that comes from the heart because we feel the advice won’t be taken well.

Or, we don’t speak up when we are asked questions because the answer could cause for some awkward tension. We sometimes dance around information or refuse to be straightforward because we don’t deem our feelings relevant to those around us and don’t want to “look weird.”

Having others see you as someone who speaks from a genuine place and who doesn’t say things that hold no truth will allow them to feel comfortable talking to you and pretty generally, just being around you. In the United States, there is no shortage of controversy. With those always comes the discussion of our rights as American citizens ranging from our freedom of speech to freedom of religion, right to a fair trial, our right to privacy (via the 9th Amendment), and even our right to own a gun. Since we all have these same rights, where do these rights begin and end for one person as compared to someone else?

Take our Second Amendment right to bear arms (or own a gun). There are different interpretations of this particular amendment, but the Supreme Court has ruled that it applies to all citizens having an individual right to own a gun. Any time there is a mass shooting, however, we all dive into the same talking points. We may have the right to own a gun, but that right ends when it affects the safety of others. For an example, you have a right to own a gun, but not to go around shooting people with it.

After reading Leviticus 19:17, which commands us to “reprove our fellow-countrymen firmly and thus avoid burdening yourself with sin” (quotes are from The New Jerusalem Bible), I was surprised and a little worried. You see, sometimes I am afraid that, if I reprove someone, they will either mock me or think of me as smug and thus be reluctant to be around me or be eager to point out my faults. Nevertheless, I do try to speak with certitude. I know that I shouldn’t be concerned with this, but I am. Furthermore, I am even more reluctant to correct people I barely know; I might say something at a convenient time, but only very reluctantly, and if I don’t immediately say something, I often feel guilty.

“You will not harbor hatred for your brother.” (Leviticus 19:17)

This was a part of the Old Testament law, so it is not directly a command to Christians. But we can learn from it. “And all these things which were written so long ago were written so that we, learning perseverance and the encouragement which the scriptures give, should have hope.” (Romans 15:4) We are commanded to love our neighbor. “I give to you a new commandment: love one another; Just as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

We don’t like being scolded and we generally see reproaches as something mean being done to us, but what we learn is that leaving someone alone to be harmed is not being kind, but a form of hatred. Let’s take, for example a friend’s vulgar speech. It is likely that they don’t think much about what they are saying. If no one warned them that some words are not proper, why would they change? Someone has to point the way to decency. “How then are they to call on him if they have not come to believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard of him? And how will they hear of him unless there is a preacher for them?” (Romans 10:14)

A reproach is telling someone they are wrong. But reproaches come in many different “flavors.” You can scold little Johnny that he shouldn’t pull his sister’s hair, but if Johnny is about to run into the street and a car is coming, you will scold him in a totally different way.

Generally, the approach a Christian uses is outlined for us. “Avoid these foolish and undisciplined speculations, understanding that they only give rise to quarrels; and a servant of the Lord must not engage in quarrels, but must be kind to everyone, a good teacher, and patient. He must be gentle when he corrects people who oppose him, hope that God may give them a change of mind so that they recognize the truth and come to their senses, escaping the trap of the devil who made them his captives and subjected them to his will.” (2 Timothy 2:23-26)

So our approach isn’t wrong. You’ve let people know there is a problem. If they are interested, they will ask why and you will have an opportunity to delve into the topic in greater depth. If it isn’t a great time at the moment, then ask if he and you can get together later to talk about it. Today is not the time to stay silent. When you must speak, do so in kindness.

Each month a member of the Cook County Ministerium will offer Spiritual Reflections. This month our contributor is Deacon Peter Mueller of St. John’s Catholic Church in Grand Marais.