“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb 4:16 NAS95)
I had been a pastor in a small town for six years. A lot of good things happened there but, as is so often the case, not everyone was happy. In the end, a small group of members and I squared off against each other and an adult version of “you’re not the boss of me” ensued. There were several exchanges that were ungracious. I left exhausted, ashamed and bewildered.
I spent the next eight years sending out resumes and making phone calls, but God had me on ice. I was still angry and not a little afraid to return to ministry and it showed. Since sending out resumes does little to pay the bills I worked full time as a salesperson and volunteered at the church I attended. I often felt disgraced and discouraged. However, I still believed that I was in the hands of God’s Grace and I struggled to act according to that Grace and not according to those feelings. Still, eight years was a long time and from the outside I was sure I must look like complete failure.
One morning at a local restaurant, I saw a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen for some time, the town’s former Catholic priest. Father Paul asked me what I was doing these days. I sputtered and struggled to summarize why for almost eight years I had been frustrated in my desire to return to ministry or find a sustaining alternative occupation and why… in spite of all appearances… I still believed that I was in God’s will. He held up his hand to cut short my struggle, nodded with understanding and said, “It’s called ‘being faithful’.”
I can’t tell you how freeing it was to me to hear that. I was doing the work of being faithful. That was enough. Waiting while God works in your life can be dry and difficult. It doesn’t always leave you with great stories of victorious Christian living to tell your friends… or your enemies.
God’s work in a Believer is characterized by the word “Grace.” We’ve all been taught that Grace is God’s unmerited favor that has brought salvation and transformation for believing sinners through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But God’s Grace is not a simple get out of jail free card. Neither is it a quick and painless re-booting of our spiritual operating system.
God’s Grace is a slow process that brings salvation in the Believer by revisiting the cycles of death of the old self and resurrection of a new, over and over again until we are like Christ. The process can be very slow and frustrating. It can seem very much like nothing is happening. But it is important to be faithful in the process.
It was eight years before the anger and the fear were transformed. I finally relinquished the shame and the need to be defined by what I did for a living and became happy just to live well. That evening I got an email from Grand Marais Free Church. Ain’t life grand?
Periodically, a guest columnist will offer Spiritual Reflections. This week’s contributor is Pastor Dave Harvey, who has served as pastor of Grand Marais Evangelical Free Church since February of 2008.
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