Cook County is not exempt from sexual violence. Sexual assault refers to all forms of forced sexual contact—isolated or recurrent. It happens in Cook County as well as everywhere else in the world. For many, “rape” or “sexual assault” conjures a weaponwielding stranger in a dark alley, but survivors of sexual assault report that, more often than not, they knew the person that raped them. They may even have been in a dating relationship. This is particularly true of adolescents—70% of survivors of adolescent sexual abuse or assault were assaulted by an acquaintance. Date rape, intimate partner violence, call it what you will—but sexual coercion and violence is happening in our communities and to people that we love.
The myth that sexual assault is mostly perpetrated by strangers in dark alleys against girls in short skirts impedes us from preventing a significant public health threat.
First, this attitude keeps us from seeing the magnitude of the problem. Sexual violence is widespread in the U.S., occurring equally in rural and urban areas, affecting people of all economic, racial, ethnic and religious backgrounds. Furthermore, sexual assault is not only perpetrated against women and girls; boys and men are also victims. The first step toward preventing sexual assault is realizing that survivors are everywhere. Only then will these incidents be reported to police as the crimes that they are (studies estimate that 60-80% of survivors of sexual violence never report the crime).
Believing the stranger in a dark alley myth can also hinder healing. Surrounded by a culture that refuses to confront the problem, survivors of sexual assault can feel isolated and tend to blame themselves. Recognizing that sexual violence can happen to anyone and that a victim is never to blame empowers survivors to heal.
But most significantly, believing that sexual assault is perpetrated by strangers in dark alleys – and not by partners, dates, friends, neighbors, cousins, etc. – sends a message to the people that are committing coercive sexual acts that their actions are acceptable or at least go unnoticed. Our misunderstanding of sexual violence lets most rapists off the hook and leaves us all looking for the mythical bogeymen. A seriously flawed legal system sends an estimated 6% of rapists to jail.
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month and high time we recognize the scope of this problem. The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (www.rainn.org) reports that 1 in 6 American women have experienced rape in her lifetime. 3% of American men – or 1 in 33 – experience rape or attempted rape at some point. Girls age 16-19 are four times more likely to be raped than the general population; 5% of boys in grades 9 – 12 report having been sexually abused. Over 50% of teens report being a victim or perpetrator of relationship violence, including non-sexual assault, and girls are victims over 80% of the time. Indeed, interpersonal violence permeates our culture.
One place to start addressing this is to reach out to young people in our community. Teenagers face a variety of types of sexual aggression, including any form of sexual activity without consent, sexual coercion, not stopping when asked, sexual harassment, or drugging and other types of force. Teenagers also face sexual violence in the digital world, such as threats or sexual harassment by text or through Facebook.
Similar to adult survivors, teenagers often don’t report sexual violence out of embarrassment or shame. Social stigma, fear of retribution or not being believed discourages reporting. Any significant change in an adolescent’s normal mood and behavior may be a warning sign that they are being mistreated.
Survivors of sexual violence report feeling alone, isolated, and as though they are to blame for the act of violence committed against them. If you learn that someone you know has been assaulted, let him or her know that you are there to support them. Remind them that what happened was not their fault, and that they are not alone.
It is not unusual for someone to initially feel ashamed, possibly defensive and unwilling to ask for help. The most important thing you can do is to be a good listener. Don’t be judgmental. Keep your conversation confidential (unless you are concerned about the person’s physical safety); the survivor should get to decide who they tell and what actions they wish to take. Offer resources and support. It can be a bit scary to reach out and sometimes having a trusted friend along makes it seem safer.
If it’s hard for girls to reach out, it can be nearly impossible for boys. Both boys and girls are saturated with messages from popular culture about what’s considered acceptable behavior. For boys, the messages are too often about being in control, knowing how to fight, not letting on that you are hurt physically or emotionally, not asking for help, and never appearing to be vulnerable or scared. This can be a huge barrier to boys who truly do need help—as a victim or perpetrator.
Finally, there are many risk factors that increase the likelihood of problems and provide opportunities for early intervention. Different forms of aggression are often related. Research suggests that 5th – 8th grade boys identified as bullies are at increased risk to be involved in other kinds of relationship violence. We also know from many years of studies that children exposed to domestic violence exhibit significantly worse social and behavioral problems and are at increased risk for becoming victims or perpetrators of violence later in life.
There are many things that adults can do to teach healthy ways of relating to others. There are also things that the schools and communities can do to minimize bullying and teach healthy relationship skills. Children and adolescents look to adults and communities for messages about what is considered acceptable behavior. When they see relationships that demonstrate emotional support, shared power, and mutual respect, they will tend to take on those same qualities in their own relationships. Individually and collectively, communities need to act out and speak with clarity and force that interpersonal violence is never OK.
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