Seven lessons

 

I am beyond proud of one of my former students. Staci Lola Drouillard is a soft-spoken, unassuming dynamo. She’s also a writer (as well as a fine baker). Staci’s most recent book, Seven Aunts, is a deep-dive into her family history with a focus on her aunts. I clearly recall my Ojibway students having strong ties to their “Aunties,” and Staci’s family has indigenous roots. In native communities it’s the women, the aunties, who carry the cultural traditions of the tribe, so it stands to reason that Staci would choose to view her family system through her seven aunts. Her love and admiration for these women is clear in all her accounts.

Staci spent countless hours interviewing cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and family friends. Her account of each of her seven aunts is written with loving care as she shares amusing, insightful, and poignant stories from their lives.

In the course of the book, she points out a number of societal norms imposed on women, creating new names for them to express her disdain: “Morbidity of Motherhood” is the expectation that women are valuable only if they bear children, and “Emacifeeding” is an expectation that women should feed and nurture family members at their own cost, sometimes starving themselves. We all have women in our lives who have borne these expectations, perhaps even ourselves.

 

I’ll never forget a family visit to my great aunt Helga in Sedgewick, Alberta. As we returned from a stroll through the neighborhood, seven-yearold Dustin looked at me and said, “Do we HAVE to eat again, Mom?” Aunt Helga was definitely an Emacifeeder, hustling back and forth from the kitchen as we devoured the piles of food she’d prepared for us. Too much food, clearly.

I particularly loved reading the accounts of the aunts I knew, but I think the most touching part of the book was the section of lessons Staci included at the end—great advice for any of us raising young women. She’s gleaned these lessons from the experiences of her family, and I thank her for allowing me to share them with you.

Seven Lessons (excerpted from Seven Aunts)

Bring the babies home. Modern research has proven that the presence of a maternal grandmother in a baby’s life can increase child survival rates and overall health more than the presence of a biological father.

Empower our girls to tell. There is a freedom to live, freedom to roam, when everyone knows and understands the realm of truth.

Allow girls and women to embody ourselves fully. Teach the littlest ones to walk with their feet solidly on the earth. Those who walk with their feet fully planted are much harder for others to steal away.

Use words to nourish, not starve. Think of words as if they are a banquet, or a feast. Let the table be full and put out your very best dishes.

Invest in our women and girls as if life depends on them. Because it does. What, then is the value of life? Acknowledge the high price of paucity and begin to pay it forward.

Stop the record from skipping.

Listen.