Life is full of changes, some of which affect us more profoundly than others. Whether they are anticipated or unexpected, changes often push us to grow and stretch, while also bringing new responsibilities and opportunities. I have found this to be true as I’ve dealt with the unexpected death of my mother. She died in late June, two days after experiencing a severe hemorrhagic stroke.
As a pastor, I have walked with many families through the illness and death of loved ones. But in June I found myself “on the other side of the desk,” as it were. It was my
turn to be visited by a pastor as my dad and five siblings and I sat beside my mother’s bed in the hospital. It was my turn to make burial arrangements and help choose hymns and Scriptures for the funeral service. And it was my turn to receive the sympathy and prayers of caring friends and family. I learned firsthand how important it is to have a support network and to be reminded by others of God’s presence and care for us.
I’ve also learned more about the grieving process. Although I’d experienced the death of grandparents and other family members, I’ve found that my mother’s death has brought a unique mix of emotions, thoughts and memories. After all, my mother gave birth to me, fed and clothed me, taught me, disciplined me, laughed with me, prayed with me, celebrated with me at birthdays, graduations, my wedding and the birth of my children. She’s the one who has known and loved me the longest, along with my dad!
Mom’s death has brought a flood of memories of time spent with her: mealtimes, working together in the home, family camping trips, long conversations… And, of course, along with many positive memories, there are also some painful ones as I recall misunderstandings and shortcomings, both hers and mine.
How does one process all of these things? For me it has been important to share stories and thoughts with my siblings and with good friends. I’ve looked at old family pictures. I’ve chuckled as I’ve recalled some humorous incidents and I’ve allowed the tears to come when the grief wells up.
I’ve been encouraged by the knowledge that God knows me and walks with me through this journey of grief and change. Soon after Mom’s death I printed out a verse from Isaiah 41:10 and taped it to the bathroom mirror: “So
do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am
your God. I will strengthen you
and help you; I will uphold you
with my righteous right hand.”
Thispromise rings true for me as I face the ongoing adjustments after the loss of my mother.
And beneath it all is the assurance that I will see my mom again one day. I am convinced, based on the historical birth, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, that death does not have the final word. Because Mom recognized her need of God’s forgiveness and grace and relied on what God, through Christ, has done for her, I believe that she has passed through the gate of death into God’s presence. I expect that one day I too will join her. In the midst of change and grief, this gives me great comfort and hope!
Each month a member of the
Cook County Ministerium will
offer Spiritual Reflections. For
October, our contributor is
Pastor Deborah Lunde, who
has served as pastor of Zoar
Lutheran Church in Tofte since
July of 2008.
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