If you have flown, you have heard the flight attendants’ instruction that you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. This may seem counter intuitive to parents wanting to ensure their children’s safety first.
As summer approaches— very slowly for those of us in northern Minnesota— many find themselves torn between work around the house, job commitments, their children’s activities, family expectations about travel, and social invitations. This is a time of year to relax and enjoy being outdoors. With so many demands on our time, how do we manage them all and still be a good role model for our children? The answer: be a good mental health role model by putting on your own oxygen mask first.
Statistics cited by the American Psychological Association suggest that as many as 25 percent of adults will experience some type of mental health issue during their lifetime. We can’t protect our children from all mental health issues, but we can help teach them strategies and practices to promote mental health. . Take care of yourself. Sometimes you need to say “no” to others to give yourself time to relax, be true to your priorities, and promote your own mental health. Many people feel pressure to be everything to everyone. This unattainable standard leaves us feeling stressed. We can teach our children the importance of not overcommitting; that it is ok to say no. . Label emotions. Adults want to protect children from the adult’s emotions. Too much sharing of emotions with our children is unhealthy, but being able to say that you’re sad or frustrated about something is good role modeling. It helps adults tune into their own emotions and teaches children that emotions are a normal and acceptable part of life.
Labeling emotions is also helpful for younger children as a way to increase their emotional vocabulary and help them make sense out of what is going on in their bodies. Teenagers will talk about feelings that adults believe are “dramatic” or overstated. We can have empathy without supporting the intense emotional reaction that sometimes accompanies adolescent angst. For example, you could say, “I’m sorry you feel that way, that would be tough.” . Demonstrate coping and balance. We all need to do things daily to cope with feelings and keep balance in our lives. Let your children know that you are exercising to stay healthy, reading a book because you enjoy it, or spending time with friends because it makes you happy. . Breathe and be mindful. Preschool children are terrific at mindfulness. This may be one where adults can follow their lead and encourage mindfulness throughout childhood. Take five minutes to notice everything you can about your environment. Encourage your children to spend five minutes inspecting the bug they’ve found.
As summer begins, think about these four things you can do to promote mental health. Put on your own oxygen mask first, and you will help promote your child’s positive mental health.
Saprina Matheny, MSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at the Human Development Center, in Duluth and Grand Marais, where she supervises children’s outreach services and the Trauma Assessment and Family Treatment Program. She also works as the Clinical Program Manager at the Ambit Network at the University of Minnesota.
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