Cook County News Herald

Prom season



 

 

As the seasons change, birds sing and the sun shines. Thus, we must consider Prom. Prom, which is short for promenade, is a formal dance for seniors held in the spring. Prom is a rite of passage in that if kids can endure the hype and the letdown then, yes, kid, you’re probably ready for life.

Prom: Before, During, and After.

Before

Kids must invite someone. Or get invited. Or decide to go alone. Or with a group. Or skip prom all together. Look, kids have options. Then kids must choose their attire. Prom attire is notable for its abundance of style. There’s just so much of it. For the boys, I don’t know who else is keeping that tux rental place open. Also, Prom is the one time boys might even wear a vest with impunity. Or they may be compared to Aladdin? Hard to say. One kid may even wear a cape. Maybe he’s trying to fly? Even harder to say. Girls, of course, wear the prom dress. This is a misnomer. It’s a gown for crying out loud. But for some reason no one calls it a gown. Be aware there is a type of person who, when departing, says “I’m off like a prom dress”. Note this type of person is usually not as clever as they think they are.

The corsage and boutonniere: This small flower arrangement is added to the ensemble in an attempt to affix elegance. But there’s a tux and sneakers and suspenders and a cummerbund and a hat?! Do they really want more? In comedy, we refer to this as “a hat on a hat”.

Then kids must decide how to get there. If they have a car, they can drive. If they don’t then they have to rely on a friend or a parent. But parents are the worst. Back when I went to prom, a bunch of us rented a stretch limousine, pulled up alongside other cars and asked if they had any Grey Poupon.

Dinner – I still remember taking my date to an elegant restaurant. I knew the bill was going to be steep, but I still almost fell out of my chair because with tip the meal was three figures?! Today I see affluent kids eating at these types of joints on an average weeknight. What do they do for Prom?

During

At Prom, there is dancing and there is judgement of dancing. One group gets exercise; the other gets jokes. One dance called “the slow dance” is less of a dance and really more of just weight shifting. Sometimes Prom’s crown a king and queen. Arguably, this is the low point, not just of Prom but of life.

While I don’t advocate under-age drinking, spiking the punch is a tradition that goes way, way back. That being said, I still don’t know one person who drinks punch.

The important thing at Prom is to drink it in. This is the last dance. This will be the last time kids ever see this group of people in one place. Until the after party. And then at school on Monday.

After

This year the after-party is going to be at Callie’s house. Her parents are out of town. It’s going to be epic!

In conclusion, I have lived a long life. I have spoken to many, many people about many, many things. Topics of conversation range from inane to the profound. And yet I’ve never met one person – not one – who ever spoke, negatively or positively, about Prom. Thus, this column is off like a prom dress.

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