As we neared the Canadian border, I hauled out my passport and asked my husband if he’d slip it under his so it wouldn’t frighten the Customs officer. My passport picture is that bad.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m vain. When somebody yells “Smile” and focuses a camera, I whisk off my glasses, turn to my best side and lift my lips into my most charming smile. I’ve been known to talk my way into having my Minnesota driver’s license photo taken three times until I found one I liked.
Which is why I still don’t understand my behavior the last time I renewed my passport.
Maybe I’d been watching too many TV shows about affirmation…embrace who you are…let your inner self shine…etc. Maybe I was in a hurry, running late, something I do frequently. Whatever the reason, I was not thinking clearly the last time I went to the official passport office to have my picture taken.
Living near the U.S.-Canadian border means, among other things, owning a passport. It’s the norm for people in this area. We shop in Thunder Bay, fly from its airport and attend movies there. So, when my passport renewal time rolled around, I was ready.
I went to the official office and sailed through the process smoothly until it was time for my picture. I tried for a nice smile, not too toothy nor too somber. I thought it went quite well, so I was surprised when I looked at the final photo. Not good. It didn’t even look like me. The passport lady must have agreed for she asked, in a tactful and kind voice, “Would you like to retake it?”
Normally I would never turn down a re-take but that day I must have had delusions of grandeur. “No. That’ll be fine,” I said in a noble tone as if I’d never be bothered by such a trite matter.
How I’ve regretted that decision. Several weeks passed before my passport came in the mail. I opened its envelope, pulled it out, glad to be finally done with the whole process.
Staring at me from my official United States of America passport was Count Dracula. My photo looked a hundred times worse than the original one. “Dick,” I wailed, “I look like a vampire.” He looked and didn’t argue.
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