Sexual assaults are rarely reported. In fact, sexual assault remains one of the most dramatically underreported crimes in the U.S.
Survivors may find that their lives have been affected on levels never imagined. Sexual violence can profoundly impact the way a person sees themselves and the world in general. Not only has the survivor’s power, control and sense of safety been invaded by another person, but flashbacks, nightmares, fears, daily life disruptions and psychological disturbances provide an ongoing and sometimes long-term reminder of what has happened.
Sexual violence can easily overturn one’s view of humanity. Before the assault, the person may have held a basic belief that she or he was good, that the world was essentially a safe place, and that awful things do not happen to good people. Because of the sexual violence, he or she is compelled to re-evaluate themselves and the world around them. In the process of doing this, survivors often question their judgment and have trouble trusting people and enjoying activities they used to engage in without worrying. Survivors question their basic assumptions about safety, power, trust, self-esteem and intimacy.
Below are just a few of the common questions and feelings survivors of sexual violence may experience.
Not Your Fault
Why did this happen to me? You did not do anything wrong. It’s not your fault. Your power was taken away by someone else. Sexual violence can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, etc. It is hard to understand that someone would do this to you and that there would be so much pain. You may feel overwhelmed to the point of not knowing how to feel or what to do. Recognize these feelings are normal reactions from experiencing a trauma. There is no blueprint for healing. It is on your own time schedule and in your own way. There are no simple 10 steps to healing but healing is happening. Talking about it is a very important healing tool.
Not Your Fault
You may feel guilty and ashamed about what happened. You may question that you somehow may have “provoked” or “asked for it,” that you shouldn’t have trusted the assailant, or that you should have somehow prevented the assault, even if the sexual violence occurred when you were a child. It was not your fault. No one deserves to be sexually harmed. Tell yourself that many times a day. Realize that guilt and self-blame are efforts to feel some control over what happened. It is important to surround yourself with supportive people.
Not Your Fault
You may experience anxiety, flashbacks and nightmares that may begin shortly after the violence or not start until long after. Nightmares may replay the assault or include dreams of being chased or attacked. People often fear they are “losing it” or may feel they should be “over it by now.” These responses, as scary as they are, are normal reactions to trauma. These physical reactions are ways emotions respond to the fear experienced. It is important to be able to talk about this, particularly how it is affecting your life. Keeping a journal to write feelings, dreams and worries can be a helpful tool.
Not Your Fault
ONLY the assailant is responsible for what happened. You have a right to feel anger. It is important to hold the assailant accountable. You can have mixed feelings–you can care about or like the assailant as a person and still hate what that person did to you. (According to U.S. Dept. of Justice, 84 percent of sexual assaults are perpetrated by a non-stranger.)
Remember, you are not alone. You are courageous. You are a survivor. It is important to be gentle with yourself and take the steps to reclaim your life. And never forget, what happened was Not Your Fault.
Each month Let’s Talk tackles a mental health topic. This month’s contributor is the Violence Prevention Center. If you need to talk to someone confidentially, call 218-387-1262.
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