I am preparing for one of my favorite events of the year, the “Gingerbread Sleepover” with my five grandchildren. I’ve been doing this since our first granddaughter, RaeAnne, was just a year old. It’s a wonderful family tradition that has grown over the years with each additional grandchild.
I keep it simple; we use graham cracker cookies for the houses. It’s all about the decorating. As I make sure I have meringue powder (the secret ingredient for successful gingerbread houses) and an abundance of candy for decorating, Chuck worries about what he is going to feed five hungry kids. I worry about what sort of base to use for the houses and if I have enough red and green food coloring while he worries about real food for hungry kids. It is amazing how much young people can eat.
I’m glad he is concerned that they eat something besides frosting and holiday sprinkles. As we debated the dinner menu and considered cheeseburgers, I remembered a recent episode of the Canadian radio program As It Happens.
I love this show with hosts Carol Off and Jeff Douglas and their mix of solemn and silly news. They frequently have hard-hitting interviews with interesting people who have survived terror attacks or who have made major medical breakthroughs or who have been elected to prestigious positions. These serious stories are mingled with fluff such as interviews with the winner of the American Laughing Champion or the owner of a telephone pole collection or some other silly subject.
However, after hearing their recent silly yet serious report on processed cheese, I don’t think I will ever be able to eat—or serve to my grandkids— packaged sliced cheese again.
A recent As It Happens story shared the albeit non-scientific findings of a CBC host. Sook Yin Lee, host of Definitely Not the Opera, describes what happened when a friend was goofing around at an October 4, 2013 barbecue at her home. He tossed a slice of processed cheese, which stuck to the window of the front door of her house. And stuck and stuck and stuck…
Yin Lee documented the cheese slice’s progress in a series she called—what else?—Cheezwatch. The cheese remained stuck to the door through numerous openings and closings. No mold formed; no insects or animals touched it; weather did not wash it away. The final Cheezwatch entry that I could find was from March 20, 2015.
The cheese slice was finally looking different— discolored, cracked and peeling— but it was still firmly attached to the window. I cannot find an update as to whether or not it is still there.
But I know that I will never look at the bright orange cheese in the individual packets the same way again. I won’t promise I won’t ever eat the faux cheese again. It is incredibly easy to rip open a cellophane envelope and slap it on a slice of bread for a grilled cheese. But when I have time I will get out the slicer and cut real cheese— the kind that actually does eventually get moldy.
So for Gingerbread Sleepover night, I voted for hot dogs. They are quick and easy and the kids love them, slathered in ketchup.
I know, I know. I’ve heard horror stories about hot dogs too. I haven’t heard it on As It Happens yet, but I’ll bet it won’t be too long before they find an angle to ruin my enjoyment of processed wieners.
But until then I will live dangerously and enjoy a hot dog dinner with the grandkids. A person has to have some adventure in her life, right?
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Alfred E. Newman
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