I recently read an article about raising children that feel secure and loved. The article claimed that there are nine crucial minutes in every child’s day where they need special attention. Could it really be this simple? Yes I think it can.
The first three minutes after they wake up are the most important… this time needs to be relaxed and not stressful because it sets the tone for their entire day. If you live by my golden rule which is “Never wake a sleeping child” you know that on days you have to get them up for school can be very stressful. After calling them six or seven times you just want to use dynamite to blow off the covers and catapult them into the shower… now I see the error of my thinking…. if I just spend three minutes waking them up….the day will go so much smoother. I get it…I would rather have my husband wake me up with a drink of water and a soothing voice rather than flipping on the light and yelling “rise and shine!”
The next three minutes of their day that you need to focus your attention is right after school or work when they get home. Eye to eye contact… how was your day? A good conversation starter I always like was asking them to tell me three things about their day…good or bad…and the chatting would go from there. Just three minutes to show them that you are interested in their daily lives is a real confidence booster.
The final three minutes that your presence can really make a difference is at bedtime. Most parents of younger children already do this with story time….all tucked in and cozy with a good book…usually I fell asleep with my kids…but if you try this with a teenager it can only get you awkward glares and shrugs of indifference. A better way might be to share a glass of water or chat with them while they brush their teeth. The message is that if there is anything weighing on their minds it might come up at bedtime. You being there is sometimes just enough to give them the peace they need to sleep.
Now I am not implying that nine minutes a day is all we can do for our families but sometimes I think we spend more time petting our dogs than we do focusing on building positive relationships…. nine minutes a day is a good start.
In a family LOVE is spelled TIME.
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Taste of Home columnist Sandy (Anderson) Holthaus lives on a farm in South Haven, MN with her husband, Michael, and their children Zoe, Jack and Ben. Her heart remains on the North Shore where she grew up with her parents, Art and LaVonne Anderson of Schroeder. She enjoys writing about her childhood and mixes memories with delicious helpings of home-style recipes.
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