A Holthaus family end-of-summer trip to New Orleans to sample southern cooking included a swamp tour with an alligatorkissing guide.
Our family spent the last few days before school on a family vacation in the south. New Orleans, Louisiana to be exact. I had visited this great city during Mardi Gras several years ago but I must admit it was kind of nice to spend some time in the French Quarter without the beads, the costumes and the thousands and thousands of people (although it is my opinion everyone over the age of 21 should experience Mardi Gras at least once in their life).
We walked the streets, window shopped at exclusive stores carrying beautiful art we could not afford, and ate delicious beignets, crab cakes and poboys. There is nothing like New Orleans for great food. Thekids thought it was funny that most of the menus carried Alligator Fingers. We did not try them but reportedly, they taste like chicken…doesn’t everything? I wondered just where you get all the alligator meat to make alligator fingers; as it turns out you can buy it right in the grocery store. We decided to get a closer look at an alligator so we booked a “Swamp Tour” in the bayou. I never expected to get as close as we did…. can you say kissing cousins?
I can only describe the tour guides with one word: “unhinged.” After loading 12 unsuspecting tourists into an open-top flat-bottom boat, they jumped in behind us carrying bags of marshmallows and hot dogs. Me, being a North Shore girl, I’m thinking “Yeah, a weenie roast and S’mores,” but no, these are alligator bait. You heard me…they throw the marshmallows into the water close to the boat and the alligators, supposedly thinking they are bird eggs, come right over and snatch them up. We were in awe. Thenthey put a hot dog on what I considered to be a very short stick (personally I would use something a little longer, like a fishing pole) and hung it low over the water. The alligator slunk back in the water and then surprisingly jumped up after the hot dog. I never expected it to leap so high or so fast as they seem to be kind of slow and gatorish in the water. Thenthe guide held the hot dog in his fingers and dangled it over the side of the boat for a gator snack. At this point I am thinking, sir, don’t your fingers kind of look like hot dogs?
I thought we had seen it all but the guide then decided to take it to another level and give the gator a little kiss on the nose. You read me right, he kissed an alligator! Let me ask you, just what does your wife have to look like that you find it appealing to kiss a reptile?
In case you think I was under the influence of a bad crab cake, I have submitted photo evidence. I kiss my dear husband, often kiss my kids and have occasionally even given the family dogs a peck on the cheek but never have I ever
been tempted to kiss anything that could actually bite off my hand! One word of advice if you decide to kiss an alligator, make it quick before they bite!
Writing is the hardest way
of earning a living, with the
possible exception of wrestling
alligators.
Olin Miller
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