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October is the scariest month of the year. I’m not sure why. Maybe because fall symbolizes our transition into a season of death. Maybe because winter’s too cold to be scary and summer can’t possibly be scary if it is also the season of the popsicle.
There are many scary things that pair well with scary October. Ghosts. Goblins. Ghouls. And goats. (Look into a goat’s eye and tell me that’s not the scariest pupil you’ve ever seen.) However, the thing that’s supposed to be scary though she inspires no fear in me, though she does hold me spellbound, is the witch. But is the witch really scary? Let us consider.
Witches have been scaring people for thousands of years. The word “witch” comes from the old English wiccah, which is not pronounced like the furniture. It is pronounced “witch-uh”. If you look it up, “a witch is a person thought to have magical powers”. But sometimes I feel that way about the mechanic.
The word “person” in the definition implies a witch could be any gender. But I’ve read all about the witch and the word is almost exclusively used for women. Though I have no evidence to support it, I have a hunch the first “witch” was just some nice lady who could toss spices and herbs and vegetables in a pot/cauldron and turn it, as if by magic, into soup. Sorcery or just good cooking?
Then again, it’s also entirely possible the witch originated by some man inexplicably drawn to a woman and decided the only and best explanation was supernatural. I believe this is what Frank Sinatra was getting at when he sings of Witchcraft. Nina Simone is certainly haunting and convincing when she sings, I put a spell on you. But The Eagles give us Witchy Woman. The issue I have with this particular song is that while “witchy” is maybe, technically a word. Should it be?
The Old Testament mentions witches many times, alternating between claiming they don’t exist and, even if they did exist, you shouldn’t go down that road. He wouldn’t like it.
Obviously, the cliché is the witch cackling, black hatted, and riding a broom. This gives me pause. A broom? Really? They ride a… broom?
Someone looked at a broomstick and thought – yes, that will do nicely. That is how they will get around. On a broom! They will fly a broom up into the sky! I would like to submit that that someone who imagined a broom as a mode of transportation never actually did so much as sit on a broom.
Go grab a broom – preferably an old-timey broom with a super thick handle if you’ve got one. Place it on two chairs. Now sit on it. Just try. I dare you. Straddle or side saddle. I’ve seen it both ways. Then lift your feet off the ground. If you can stay up there for five seconds… Congratulations. You just qualified for a rodeo in Texas. Now a follow up question: would you describe this experience as pleasant? Tolerable? Now add the angles and g force of a takeoff, winds at higher altitudes, and the torque of a left turn and it is clear that it is impossible to sit, let alone fly on a broom?!
Now the skeptics will respond – maybe they use a spell to anchor themselves to the broom! Maybe. But then I say, if the witch has this kind of magic at their fingertips, why wouldn’t they use it to make a broom a comfortable place to sit?!
Of course, there is a darker history, too. The most famous is perhaps the witch hunt. These days a witch hunt is what politicians call any line of questioning they don’t like. But in the olden days, there were actual witch hunts in Europe in the 14th and 18th century and, more locally, here in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692. Now how, one might ask, could there be an actual witch hunt when there hadn’t been proof of an actual witch. Well, this was the above-average sleight of hand of the day. Hysteria trumps logic. And burning things is fun.
Try proving you’re not a witch. It’s really, really hard. The words, “I am not a witch!” are not convincing in the least and frankly, pretty incriminating. And they’re certainly not proof. In fact, they are exactly the words a real witch would utter.
Basically, witch hunts were a way that some religious men in power (like say Pope Innocent VIII or Reverend Samuel Parris) could add yet another level of control over women AND scapegoat almost any problem. Like, say, what is the most likely reason your daughter is having fits and/ or your crop didn’t produce like last year? Yes, that’s right! Satan!! Ultimately witch hunts fell out of favor when they stopped allowing supernatural evidence at the trials and lawyers scattered in every direction and common folk realized that the aggrieved were just making this stuff up.
In 1953 Arthur Miller wrote “The Crucible” about the Salem Witch Trials to show how our society is way too smart to do anything like that today. Except at the exact same time, he wrote that, McCarthyism was ravaging the country and Communists were picked off right and left, completely coincidentally, like witches. Or maybe “The Crucible” was just ahead of its time. I’m sure that couldn’t happen today. We are all so level-headed about our disagreements – fundamental, nominal, and political.
I am, well, bewitched by the witch. From her wardrobe – all black, to her accessories – the pointy hat! Though her laugh, a cackle, would perhaps make me cut down on the jokes. Her choice of domesticated animal (feline) is okay by me. Finally, any nocturnal activities that involve cauldrons and potions and incantations is just the kind of thing that leads to really good soup. To me, the witch is magic.
In the end, the witch is many things. But scary? Please. She may belong to the scariest of months, October, but the witch, I believe, is not scary at all. She is, I submit, simply misunderstood.
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