“Year by year the complexities of this spinning world grow more bewildering and so each year we need all the more to seek peace and comfort in the joyful simplicities.”
“The complexities of this spinning world grow more bewildering” certainly felt true to me as I sat down to write this “Let’s Talk” contribution during the last full week of the first month of 2016. We all carry the day-to-day responsibilities of our lives, then look at the issues affecting our community, our state, our country and the world and oh my! It can feel impossible to “seek peace and comfort in the joyful simplicities.”
Then I came across a little book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff, with a suggestion I would like to share: Do a favor and don’t ask for, or expect, one in return.
This is a strategy that can help you practice integrating service into your life. It will show you how easy it is and how good it feels to do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return.
So often, either consciously or unconsciously, we want something from others, especially when we have done something for them – “I cleaned the bathroom, you should clean the kitchen.” Or, “I took care of her child last week, she should offer this week.” It’s almost as though we keep score of our own good deeds rather than remembering that giving is its own reward.
When you do something nice for someone, just to do it, you’ll notice (if you are quiet enough inside yourself) a beautiful feeling of ease and peace. Just as vigorous exercise releases endorphins in your brain that make you feel good physically, your acts of kindness release the emotional equivalent. Your reward is the feeling you receive in knowing you participated in an act of kindness. You don’t need something in return or even a “thank you.” In fact, you don’t even need to let the person know what you have done.
What interferes with this peaceful feeling is our expectation of reciprocity. Our own thoughts interfere with our peaceful feelings as they clutter our minds, as we get caught up in what we think we want or need. The solution is to notice your “I want something in return” thoughts and gently dismiss them. In the absence of these thoughts, your positive feelings will return.
See if you can think of something really thoughtful to do for someone and don’t expect anything in return. When you complete your favor, see if you can tap into the warm feeling of knowing you have done something really nice without expecting anything from the person you have just helped. I think you’ll discover that the feelings themselves are reward enough.
Oh, and by the way, the quote at the beginning of this column was from Woman’s Home Companion, December 1935. 1935!
Each month a local mental health therapist will discuss an area of mental health. This month’s contributor is the Violence Prevention Center. If you need to talk to someone confidentially, call 218- 387-1262.
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