Forgiveness

 

What do you do if someone is mean or hurts you? Often, the best thing to do is to forgive… to forgive means to give up your hurt or angry feelings.

We all make mistakes and we all hurt others in different ways sometimes.

“It is by forgiving that we are forgiven,” said Mother Teresa. Learning how to forgive is a goal and personal trait worth working on even though it can be difficult to do.

Inspired from the book What Do You Stand For? A guide to Building Character by Barbara A. Lewis, this column continues the idea that important personal traits are learned and practiced. Forgiveness is one of those traits. There are many things you can do to help you learn to forgive.

Thefirst thing to do is to talk to a trusted adult like a parent or a teacher. Often, processing through or talking about the problem and the hurt leads to understanding. To forgive you stop blaming the person for being unkind. When you truly forgive someone, you mean what you say, you let go of the hurt or angry thoughts you have about the person, you forgive not just with your words, but with your heart.

 

Thenext step is to think of a way you can let go of your anger. A few suggestions are:

. Write about how you feel

. Get involved with a sport that lets you use all your energy like soccer, tennis or karate

. Take a shower or bath to feel more relaxed

. Rest while listening to quiet music

. Do something you like to do like draw or cook

. Exercise

. Or even punch your pillow if you need to!

Once you have released some of the negative energy, try and talk with the person you are angry with or hurt by. Tell the person how you feel. You don’t need to use mean or angry words

Learning to forgive does not mean you can’t stand up for yourself. It doesn’t mean you let people keep hurting you. If you like, you can say what you would like the person to do to help make things right. Sometimes this is possible and sometimes it is not.

Sometimes an apology or a promise that something similar won’t happen again can make a big difference. Make sure you give the person a chance to explain.

When you are ready to forgive, tell the person. If you mean it, you will feel at peace inside. Then try to do something nice for the person. This will show that you mean what you say.

It is often hard to know if the person will hurt you again after you have forgiven him or her. All you can do is decide how you are going to act in any type of situation. You decide to be forgiving and only you can do your best to learn along the way.

Kelly Dupre of Grand Marais is an artist, children’s author, and educator with over 20 years teaching experience with all age groups in a variety of settings. The activities in this once-a-month column are spin-offs and combinations of ideas she has used and learned from teachers, parents, kids, books, and workshops. Only some of the activities has she actually thought of herself!