Recently I stopped into the Chicago Bay Marketplace in Hovland to buy a loaf of fresh baked bread and I overheard a conversation about Highway 61 driving experiences and road rage. The conversation was thoughtful and expressed a concern for safety without any agitation or irritability. Sound familiar? Or would it be a challenge to not sound hostile, spew profanities, or be physically aggressive when describing a similar scenario while driving along Highway 61?
How short is your fuse these days? Here are a few helpful reminders for when you notice that maybe your anger is getting the best of you… sharing the road with other drivers, transitioning the kids off their technology gadgets for the night, waiting for your partner to hurry up at the store, or for when you are on the phone with computer tech support.
How short is your fuse these days? Here are a few helpful reminders for when you notice that maybe your anger is getting the best of you… sharing the road with other drivers, transitioning the kids off their technology gadgets for the night, waiting for your partner to hurry up at the store, or for when you are on the phone with computer tech support.
1. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren’t just for kids. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful.
Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything—allow others involved in the situation to do the same. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll regret.
3. Once you’re calm, express your anger
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly without hurting others or trying to control them.
4. Stick with “I” statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame—which might only increase tension—use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific.
5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening—or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix it and might make things worse.
6. Get some exercise
If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities. Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry.
7. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though— it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
8. Don’t hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by bitterness. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’s unrealistic to expect others to behave just as you want at all times.
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might consider seeing a therapist to learn how to manage your anger. With professional help, you can learn what anger is. Identify what triggers your anger. Recognize signs that you’re becoming angry. Explore underlying feelings, such as sadness. Learn to respond to frustration and anger in a controlled, healthy way.
Each month a local mental health therapist will discuss an area of mental health. This week’s contributor is Sherri Moe, MS Psychotherapist.
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