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The year is approximately 1701BC. We are in a massive banquet hall in ancient Greece.
The most famous decorator of his day, THEO and his assistant, DEACON, observe the lavishly decorated hall – banners, flowers, immaculate place settings at tables.
THEO: The king entrusted me with just one job, decorate the hall for this evening and WE ARE STILL NOT READY!
DEACON: What’s missing? The places are set. The banners are hung. The flowers are in bloom. Surely the king can see the magnificence in this room? The motifs, the details. The vibe.
T: Yes, the vibe is good. But this isn’t a kickback. This is the biggest celebration of the millennium. Something is missing.
D: What is missing?
Theo scans the room carefully, slowly. His eyes arrive at the head table. He crosses to the table.
T: The head table needs a centerpiece.
D: But the bouquet is the centerpiece?
T: Any plebian can throw a bouquet on the table and call it a centerpiece. But I am Theo, the greatest decorator in Greece. I want a centerpiece… that pops.
Greg removes the bouquet from the table. The center of the table is now empty.
D: Perhaps a wreath? Or a candelabra?
T: It’s all been done, man. No, not only must my centerpiece pop. My centerpiece must also be… new!
D: A centerpiece that’s… new? Impossible.
T: That’s what they said about the tablecloth. Solids. Checkered. It’s all been done, they said. But I pushed on and what did I give the world? D: That day you gave the world a runner.
T: Today I will give them a centerpiece that’s new. (considers) What’s for dinner?
D: Goat.
T: Deacon, bring me the head of the slain beast.
Deacon exits and, after a few minutes, returns from the kitchen pushing a wooden cart with a single goat horn atop.
D: (looking back to kitchen) That cook sure is grumpy.
T: (looking at horn) What is that?
D: Um, it’s all that was left.
T: Why is there only one?
D: Apparently some general grabbed the other one for some war.
Theo crosses to the horn and studies it.
T: One goat horn?! Pff! (studies some more) Although… It is quite nice. Understated. Large and hollow. Captivating. (smiles) Deacon, place the horn on the table.
D: Yes, sir.
Deacon places the horn on the table. Theo studies the horn in its new setting.
T: Bring me a gourd.
D: A gourd?
T: In fact, bring me a selection of gourds. And anything else the cook wishes to part with.
Deacon pushes the cart back to the kitchen. After a few minutes, he returns pushing the cart now filled with many gourds, dried corn, and nuts. Theo studies the cart.
D: (looking back at kitchen) Are all cooks that crabby?
T: What did you bring me?
D: Gourds. And a bunch of dried stuff.
T: Put a gourd in the horn.
D: Ha ha. The horn’s not a receptacle. The horn is a horn. If you’re looking for a receptacle, you should try a vase. Or a basket. Or a bowl.
T: I want you to put a gourd in the horn.
Deacon rolls his eyes and then puts one gourd in the horn. Theo studies the new creation.
T: Fill it up.
D: I’m telling you, man. No one puts things in a horn.
T: We will put things in a horn. Use all the sundries and fill it up.
D: Fill it up? I don’t even like my coffee filled up. (off Theo’s look) Okay, okay.
Deacon fills the horn with gourds, corn, and nuts – right to the brim. Theo studies the creation.
D: Okay. The horn is full.
T: More.
D: The horn will not hold more.
T: More!
D: It can’t be done, I tell you.
T: I said MORE!
D: It will spill onto the table?!
T: So, let it spill onto the table.
D: But the horn will overflow?!
T: Yes. Yes, it will.
D: You’re mad!!
T: Do it. Now.
Nearly in tears, Deacon adds even more gourds and corn and nuts to the horn. The various items do indeed spill out of the horn, onto the table.
D: It will be the horn of too much?!
T: No. The centerpiece shall be called “the horn of plenty”. It will be a symbol of abundance.
Deacon composes himself, takes a step back, and takes in the new centerpiece. He is shocked to find it so beautiful.
D: Glorious Zeus! The horn of plenty is… extraordinary!
T: I am a decorator. I give the world decoration… that pops! (then) Now we are ready.
-And thus, the cornucopia was born.
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