Cleave ever…

 

Nope, it’s not about cleavers. Read on. I’ve always been known as a Pollyanna, accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. “Cleave ever to the sunnier side of doubt,” a quote by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, hangs above my computer and rests at the bottom of my emails. But you know what? It isn’t always that easy.

Sometimes I have to rely on a psychological technique called reframing— casting a negative in positive terms. A simple example would be calling an overly chatty person “gregarious” rather than “blathering.” My tendency to be overcommitted might be reframed as “involved,” “engaged,” or even “generous.” Well, it is what it is.

Generally a sound sleeper, I’ve spent too many nights awake hashing over things pretty much beyond my control. I try to relax, but for some reason I just can’t let go. Time to reframe.

The first thing keeping me awake was knee pain. I recently had a knee replacement, which in addition to being a miserable procedure, has limited my activity and been particularly painful at night. As I soldiered through two sets of rehab exercises every day, I tried to focus not on the pain, but on the freedom from it in my future. I contemplated how lucky I am to have a procedure available to alleviate the knee pain I’ve been dealing with for the past few years. Back in the day people had to live with that pain or quit moving. I live in an era when it could be fixed— twice. I have two metal knees, and they’re finally serving me well. I can bike, ski, and swim without pain. HOORAY!

Another issue weighing on me is company. Company, company, company— more than ever this summer. I can count the days we have the house to ourselves on my fingers and toes. Fortunately, I’m a relaxed host. I don’t spend days cleaning and preparing meals before guests arrive, but it’s still different to have people in our home. We have four weeks of hosting grandchildren, and I can’t complain. They’re wonderful kids, but they wear us out. In fact, I treasure my time with every single person gracing our guest room and my office this summer, and I need to focus on that rather than worrying about entertaining them. I love the people in my life, so how can I refuse visits by Jerry’s grandkids, my Australian relatives (two sets), and my old Istanbul teaching buddy? Reframe it as joy rather than work, Ann Marie, because that’s what it is.

The last thing keeping me awake is the thrift store as our opening date keeps getting pushed off. I worry about all the details of preparation and mounting expenses, making mental lists in the middle of the night. I need to reframe my cogitations to thankfulness for the beautiful space that lies ahead for our inventory and volunteers; thankfulness for the dedicated men and women who’ve worked diligently to prepare our space without heat, water or electricity; and hopeful for the impact our new downtown location will make for our bottom line—money that will go to local nonprofits chosen by our volunteers.

I just need to remind myself to “Cleave ever to the sunnier side of doubt.”

I can do this.