Whether you are sauntering through a farmers market on a beautiful fall day innocently tasting homemade tapenade or seated at a wonderful hibachi restaurant waiting for your freshly grilled veggies you have to be warned, zucchini is there! The growers are at it again!
“Why why, why must you torture me this way?” I asked the sweet lady at the farmers market,
“Well, I have so much I need to get rid of it,” she admitted.
I know, I know, but here’s an idea…. don’t grow it in the first place! I am not afraid to say it: zucchini growers are maniacal and devious. How else do you describe someone so sneaky? They cunningly place their wares into everything from cookies, bars, brownies, cakes, and quick breads to lasagna and meatloaf. They seem to have left caramel rolls alone for now, but now because I wrote this, someone will try it. Just you wait and see.
A few years ago I was enjoying lunch with my friend Cheri at the Black Forest Inn. We ordered the Autumn Garden Soup to start. Though it smelled great, we soon found out it was chucked full of zucchini! She returned hers to the kitchen claiming she was “allergic to zucchini.”
“Umm seriously, can you really be allergic to a squash?” I asked.
“Well, if I eat it I will be sick, so yes, I am allergic.”
I loved her for that! Where was she when my mom was sneaking it into homemade spaghetti sauce?
The zucchini has even followed me to foreign lands. I was having dinner at a home in Vienna when the hostess served her prize dish. Stuffed zucchini! These small squash had been carefully prepared by scooping out the middle and replacing it with ground meat, spices and rice. I cut it open and ate only the stuffing. Why aren’t you eating the zucchini? she asked. I looked her straight in the eye and said, “I’m allergic.”
If you absolutely need to grow something, why not grow something fun? Here are some options you can grow that will make people smile…. especially me.
Grow apple gourds. My neighbor just brought me the first one I have ever seen and it is so pretty I don’t even want to eat it. It’s just fun to look at.
Grow perfectly round Romeo baby carrots. These do well in our soil and they are quite a conversation piece. So yummy just to eat on their own, you won’t even be tempted to sneak them into a batch of perfectly good brownies.
Grow “All Blue” purple potatoes. What could be better than a purple baked potato with fresh butter? Nothing, I tell you, absolutely nothing.
So my friends, here are three perfectly good alternatives to growing your godforsaken zucchini. You can leave them in my driveway by the carload if you happen to have too much. The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture; this however is not the zucchini plant.
Thomas Jefferson
(with an addition by Sandy Holthaus).
Taste of Home columnist Sandy (Anderson) Holthaus lives on a farm in South Haven, MN with her husband, Michael, and their children Zoe, Jack and Ben. Her heart remains on the North Shore where she grew up with her parents, Art and LaVonne Anderson of Schroeder. She enjoys writing about her childhood and mixes memories with delicious helpings of home-style recipes.
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