BEYOND REASON

 

Supply chain issues abound. At least that’s what they say. It’s in the headlines (though I did not actually read those articles) Late night talk show hosts make jokes about it so it’s probably hard to get some stuff. Also, I happen to know that you procrastinated. You have not bothered to so much as even browse in person, let alone online (well, at least not for anyone else), and now you need a gift. Immediately.

The first thing anyone tells you to do in a situation like this is Do Not Panic. But that advice is very unsatisfying. So, even though this problem is entirely self-inflicted and relatively minor, I say go ahead and panic. Get that angst out. Entertain the worst-case scenario: 1) each and every person in your life will give you the best gift ever; 2) you, on the other hand, will have no gifts for anyone; 3) everyone will decide you’re a bad person; 4) everyone will leave you; 5) on your deathbed you will whisper “Rosebud” to no one because you are alone, albeit with nice gifts by your side.

Okay, now that that’s out of your system, you still need a last-minute gift. But you don’t want to shop or bring more stuff in the world that’s just going to end up in the landfill. Or spend money. Plus, there are supply chain issues. Apparently. Here are some last-minute gift ideas for you.

The gift of song. Everyone loves a good tune. It elevates the spirit. It captures a mood. It can express emotion beyond words. So, this year you might want to give that loved one the gift of song. No, I am not talking about the new Adele record. You will sing them a song. Yes, you. Sing. A song. Now, you may say, While I may dabble, very occasionally, in the shower or behind the wheel, I am not trained for this sort of thing. Yes. We know. You may say, But I cannot actually carry a tune. Indeed. That is why your loved ones will always remember the time you sang (acapella is best) Coconut by Harry Nilsson.

Hug it out. Admittedly this is harder to pull off during Covid. But you have been withholding love for so long. You may blame your culture or the way you were brought up. Or Covid. But really you are just a cold fish. That’s why this year they will be surprised to unwrap their gifts and read a handmade gift certificate for “One non-transferable Hug”. The gift will surprise them all. While you must be ready for at least one hug to be cashed in then and there, I suspect most will be tucked away for a rainy day and, like many gift certificates, never redeemed at all.

The written word. Steve Martin said it best, “Some people have a way with words. Others… no have way.” So, sit down, grab a coffee, find the muse, and write words that have way. Write something meaningful for someone you love. You might write a moving story about how a small, timid mouse, met a nice, more secure mouse who helped the small, timid mouse grow and shine. Then you can explain to your reader that the story is a metaphor. Or you can write a sonnet. Or a limerick.

Advice. John Steinbeck said, “Advice is a giver’s present.” And that’s what’s nice about it. It’s for them, but it’s also for you! You can send them on their way with an old chestnut about when to buy and when to sell. Or how best to receive a gift horse. If you give someone the right advice, your gift will enrich mind and spirit. Yours and theirs.

A gift horse. You know that one “hilarious” loved-one who keeps asking for a pony? This is your opportunity to silence him. Forever. The great thing about this gift is that it will be so grand that no one else in your family will expect another. One and done. Now, even a gift horse requires some shopping and does cost money BUT you can win the holiday gift giving competition… for all time. Just think about it. But not too much. Because it’s completely impractical.

If the spirit moves you… This year you can show your loved ones how you feel – with an interpretive dance! Now, you may say, I only dance at weddings. Yes. We know. That’s what makes it a gift. First, pick an upbeat song, like, say “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins. (No slow songs; your family wants to see you boogie!) Next, choreograph a routine. Do NOT open with your big move. Your audience really wants to watch your routine build. Finally, bring everything you got to your big finish. If you do this right, your loved-one’s eyeballs may fall right from their heads all the way to the floor.

Or you can just get them a “World’s Best” Mug. It’s kind of a catch all. Now this will certainly cost money and definitely end up in landfill BUT it will be a little bit better than no gift at all. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.