Beyond Reason

Photo by Julie Schulberg

How do you like them apples?

They say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” but I’ve never seen a plum fall farther. And it’s not like the pear even qualified for the long jump. And don’t get me started on citrus.

So why do they pick on the apple? Is it because of one bad apple? Or is it because the apple discovered Newton’s head who, in turn, noticed gravity? Nobody’s picking on water because it helped Archimedes discover displacement. So why is the apple so maligned?

It is apple season. Let us consider.

The apple is a fruit. But maybe you already knew that. Many in the West think the apple biblical, though the forbidden fruit offered in the Garden of Eden by the serpent was probably a pomegranate. Part of the problem is that in ye olde olden days, the word “apple” was just a generic term for any kind of fruit and, more inexplicably, nuts. I do not know why they did not bother to give unique names to unique fruits, but I do know someone was slacking. So, the apple is perhaps more accurately referred to as “almost biblical.”

The apple comes to us via the Silk Road. But that was far away and long ago. More recently, many people believe Johnny Appleseed scattered many seeds far and wide. In fact, Johnny boy, as his friends probably did not call him, planted nurseries.

It is very tempting to compare the apple to other fruit. I have often thought of a head-to-head, winner take all, Apple Versus Orange. Or a more exotic matchup: Apple versus Kiwi. But they say I must only compare apples to apples so let us do that.

There are more than 7500 cultivars/varieties of apples. The Gala, named after a fancy event, is the most popular in the United States. I like the McIntosh because that was the first computer I ever owned. Granny Smith is good because, I assume, someone named an apple after their grandmother and that’s nice. I went through a Pink Lady phase, but I’ve settled down now. Ambrosia, apparently, is good enough for the gods. Golden delicious is a pretty fancy name for yellow. The apple that is Jazz is the only apple that has its own fantastic 10-part documentary by Ken Burns. Finally, underestimate the Honeycrisp at your own risk. It was created at the University of Minnesota and many who discuss this sort of thing believe it is going to be the most popular apple any day now.

Some Victorian doctor in 1866 said “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” but that Victorian doctor was also really into leeches so let’s check his work. Turns out the apple is really, really, really good for you. There is a high concentration of flavonoids in the skin of the apple so DO NOT PEEL YOUR APPLES! Whole apples (with their peels on) have lots o’fiber and improve artery function and lower blood pressure. (Just to annoy those apple-to-apple people out there, I will note that improved artery function was not found with pears, oranges or bananas.) Higher apple consumption is also associated with lower risk of cancer and lower mortality outcomes. So, an apple a day may keep the doctor away but more importantly, an apple a day will keep The Reaper at bay.

The apple is on ewg’s Dirty Dozen, a list of foods that help you avoid pesticides, so buy organic apples if you can. The healthiest apple with the highest antioxidants is, um, crab apples. But the healthiest, not so crabby, actually edible, apple is Idared. But Honeycrisp and Red delicious and Granny Smiths are close behind so feel free to mix it up.

Strangely, though the apple is delicious and nutritious, the apple seed is poisonous. That sounds bad but it turns out it’s really hard to kill someone with an apple seed. You’d have to ingest about 150 apple seeds to get anywhere in the ballpark. But you can’t just swallow ‘em. You must chew them up very well, otherwise they just pass right through you. So, if you’re looking for a good poison, I recommend you give the apple seed a miss and try hemlock. It was good enough for Socrates.

At their core, the humble apple, for which we sometimes bob, is to humans what spinach was to Popeye – a short distance to our better selves. Though the Apple of Discord started the Trojan War, so it may not be the best fruit for the gods. My wife is the apple of my eye. And take it from the worm, there is no wrong way to eat an apple. When you leave an apple on your teacher’s desk, you send a message of vigor, longevity, and wisdom. I will end with a question that I hope does not upset the apple cart: What could be more American than the saying “as American as apple pie,” wherein the first recipe for apple pie comes from 1300s England and the apple itself is a non-native, immigrant fruit from Central Asia?