September in Cook County means the beginning of the school year. Children are heading back to class and social groups. Many times children as young as kindergarten want to wear the normal clothes, eat the normal lunches, behave and do normal things so that other children accept them.
Sometimes kids come home from school heartbroken that someone made fun of their shoes, or laughed at their drawing, or told them they were “weird.”
If we were all “normal” as defined as one way of being then we would all wear the same clothes, think the same, talk and behave in the exact same way. Life would seem colorless. Moms and dads usually provide feedback that encourages children to “be themselves,” offering wisdom that the world is a beautiful and interesting place because we are all different.
We learn at a very young age that it is better to be “the” normal than your “own” normal. Our families, our friends, our community helps us discover and define what normal is. We learn as children that not being normal means to be judged, noticed, or criticized by others. As we get older and by the things we do well we ideally feel more comfortable and confident with who we are, we realize that we have our “own” normal.
But often that’s not how life really is. Life throws us criticism, self-doubt, highs and lows, sadness and elation, and a really big pile of mixed messages of who we should be to be normal. Along the way of growing up and growing wise we need people to remind us that normal is what feels right to us, not what society or television or our relative says we need to be to be normal.
Psychotherapy is about helping each person understand what their own normal is as the foundation for making healthful choices. For example, when you know and understand that your “own” normal struggles with authority, then you perhaps will find a career path where you work individually or in a small team, rather than work in a hierarchal structure.
Maybe you discover that your
“own” normal weight is healthier and it’s not worth the effort or energy anymore of beating yourself up, doing crash diets, or developing an eating disorder.
Or maybe you know that your “own” normal is not about taking risks. So embrace it and be grateful that you prefer to be comfortable and secure.
Sometimes our friends and family like to say how abnormal we are. Maybe it just means you’re the exceptional one, truly authentic and original.
If you struggle with not feeling like your “own” normal, therapy can be helpful in discovering your authentic self. When you find, discover, or acknowledge your “own” normal, life begins to feel more purposeful and individualized to just what your “own” normal is.
Mistakes and negative feelings can be accepted and forgotten. Overcoming life’s difficulties is attainable by utilizing your “own” normal style of living. You may notice less of the feeling of needing to “should,” “ought,” or “have to.” Life starts to feel like you are living in full color.
Each month a local mental health therapist will discuss an area of mental health. This week’s contributor is Sherri Moe, MS Psychotherapist.
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