Cook County News Herald

Are you tired of familiar words? Howling at the moon helps


I’ve recently been self-diagnosed with UDCS, Unprecedented Disproportional Capacity Syndrome. It’s a psychological disorder brought on by repetitious misuse of annoying words used in reference to any and all things that relate to a topical subject. There are few legal pharmacological cures, but avoiding all radio, television and social media platforms seems to quell the recurring onset of symptoms. Self-espoused experts and media talking-heads are known primary vectors of transmission; their use of a thesaurus could likely mitigate toxicity.

Diagnosis may include long spells of depression, social isolation, increased ingestion of sugary snacks and an inability to function without a mask. The United States currently appears to be a hot spot, though this malady appears to be rapidly on the rise throughout the world. Public health professionals recommend the most effective prophylactic relief may be found with quality earplugs and frequent naps. (FYI: I have found that watching old episodes of Ozzie and Harriet is also quite therapeutic).

Should you find that you are experiencing symptoms of UDCS, howling at the moon gives somewhat temporary relief. Be well…Ahhroooo!

Bob LaMettry, Grand Marais

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