My friend Ev Fuller died a few years ago, but she left some great things behind when she went. She left her husband Al, three grown children, several grandchildren, a dog named Charlie, and a book that she had written.
Ev’s life wasn’t easy. When I started spending time with her, she was on oxygen and breathing was difficult. That didn’t stop her from calling me up and suggesting that we go down to Blue Water for coffee. Or sometimes pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream on them, which like the Lindor truffles I used to bring her when she was in the care center, probably weren’t very good for her diabetes. Ev decked herself out when we went out—bright colors, jewelry, fancy blouses.
Ev’s physical ailments weren’t the only thing that made her life hard. She had struggled with mental health issues most of her life, but boy, did she learn a lot in her determination to be healthy. The world is a better place because of her struggles, and she has left us with a treasure trove of wisdom about how to triumph over mental illness and dysfunction. Her book begins with the words Choose Ye This Day! Here are some excerpts:
“I would like to introduce myself to you. I am writing about mental health, some of my experiences with it, and what I have learned over the years. My desire is to give hope to others who are experiencing mental health issues on a daily basis. I want to let you see that there really is help and hope for you. Recovery is possible with the tools we are given to use. These tools work only if we are willing to put forth the effort in our recovery process.”
Ev addressed the necessity of overcoming stigma in order to face mental illness and recover. “It’s not who I am because I have a mental health disorder,” she quoted from an anonymous source, “it’s who I have become in spite of it.”
“…Negativity stuck to me like glue for most of my life,” Ev wrote. “It is not all gone, but it is worth every bit of strength and energy I have used to become a much more positive person. It has brought me love, self-worth, encouragement, and hope. It can be yours too. …Finding true happiness lies within each of us.”
Some of Ev’s words of wisdom:
“I have learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. …I have learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.
“…I have the right to make mistakes. I have the right to change my mind. …I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behaviors, actions, feelings, or problems. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time. …I have the right to change and grow.”
Discouragement was not foreign to Ev. She once asked her therapist if she would ever get any better. “I especially want to thank Jim Larsen for his very professional answer,” she wrote. “His answer was, ‘You will get better when you make the decision to do so.’
“…I have the freedom to change or not to change. …I know mistakes do happen. I need to take responsibility for them. I can learn from them and go on. It is good to look back to where I have succeeded and see the progress that I have made, knowing all is not lost. Hindsight can be a blessing.
“…Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses. …Be the rose that you are.”
“…I wish you the very best as you begin your journey. It is up to you. Always remember, in order to start your journey, you must be the one to take the first step. May you find more peace in your life as you make your very own adventure. You may have to start with your first step more than once. That is okay. Whatever you do, please never give up.
“…Every day I plant seeds in the garden of life, wherever I go.”
Ev was a rose. A colorful, fragrant, living rose, and her beauty lingers among us.
Ev’s family is working on making copies of her book available to the public.
Each month a mental health therapist will discuss an area of mental health. This week’s contributor is Jane Howard, MSE, Licensed Psychologist. Jane’s work has ranged from writing psychoeducational curricula and launching prevention programs to counseling homeless women in downtown Chicago and working with families on issues related to domestic violence and sexual abuse.
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