You may not know it to look at me but I am kind of a klutz. I have been accidentprone since early childhood. My earliest memory is being “accidentally” chunked in the eyebrow by a hatchet wielded by my younger brother. He was not being mean. He just had a bad aim and my head was in the way. Thenthere was the time I hit Aunt Vivian’s car with a rail sled and blackened my two front teeth. I missed the lesson where they taught me how to turn to miss large vehicles.
At Birch Grove Elementary, I amazed my second grade teacher, Mrs. Benson, by tripping and falling in the hallway over the cracks in the linoleum. (In other words, tripping over nothing.) She finally decided I had weak ankles. Thatgave me a good excuse for slowly running the bases during PE. (I had to protect my ankles.)
Thisdid not end as I grew older. I have been accidentally hit across the face with a snow shovel because I didn’t get out of the way while they were digging snow tunnels. (This required Dr. McDonald to put several stitches in my nose one Saturday afternoon.)
I accidentally froze my lower lip to the culvert on Freeblum’s creek. I had to rip it off as it was too far from home to get a cup of hot water. Every time I watch A Christmas
Story
I cringe as Flick sticks his tongue to the flagpole on a triple dog dare. (Never do anything on a triple dog dare…. it is a regret from which you may never recover.)
As an adult I have accidentally squirted a tube of Super Glue in my mouth while trying to open it with my teeth. If I had pressed my jaw together I may have come up with the new “Optifast” diet but I chickened out and held my mouth open until I was sure it was dry. (This took about 15 minutes, which is not as easy as it sounds, trust me.)
I actually passed out when I hit my head on a freezer door I just opened. I forgot the door was open and stood up too fast from looking in the fridge. Taking a freezer door to the top of the head can hurt for days.
Years ago my husband Mike was starting to worry that I could not be left alone during the day and banned me from all ladder use without supervision. Supervision was handing our three-year-old the cordless phone and teaching him to dial 911 if Mommy hit the ground.
Recently I thought I might have grown beyond my klutzy accidents. That was until I discovered the world of Gorilla Glue a week ago. Yes, I accidentally glued my hands together.
It started with a large yellow blob that shot out of the top of the bottle when I was cutting it open. I decided I should just rub my hands together under the faucet. I have to tell you: DO NOT ADD WATER TO GORILLA GLUE. IT IS AN ACTIVATOR. In case you don’t know what this means…. it means a holy mess. We tried everything to get this sticky goo from my hands, which by now were entirely covered in glue and starting to dry. My son tried nail polish remover, nothing happened. He tried soap…nada. We panicked and he began dumping anything he could find in the bathroom cabinet. Believe it or not Listerine stopped the foaming.
We called the Gorilla 800 number and they confirmed there is no solvent for the removal of Gorilla Glue. They did seem interested in my Listerine story so we might be on to something there. Long story even longer, my fingernails will be yellow until they grow out…four to six months is my guess.
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