It is not very often that the Cook County News- Herald republishes an article from another newspaper. It is complicated to get permission and we prefer local content. However this week, I obtained permission from the Grand Rapids Herald Review to share a heartbreaking story about a father’s struggle to cope with the suicide of his daughter.
I didn’t go looking for the story on page A7. The father, John Bauer, contacted the Cook County News- Herald because his daughter, Megan Bauer Stejskal, a beautiful 33-yearold social worker, spent some time in Grand Marais. She worked as a mental health practitioner and at Superior National at Lutsen golf course in the summer. In the short time she lived on the North Shore she made many friends, who were all shocked and saddened to hear that she had died.
The News-Herald did not report the circumstances of her death because it didn’t happen in Cook County. She chose a different place, Bayfield, Wisconsin, to end her life. The News-Herald received an obituary from the family with the phrase that starts so many obituaries of suicide victims. According to the April 6, 2013 obituary, Megan “passed away unexpectedly.”
Truthfully, I was glad at that time that the News-Herald didn’t have to share the painful details. One of the most difficult stories for a newsperson to cover is the story of suicide. Reporting on death is never easy, whether that loss was caused by a car accident, a fall, a fire or by drowning. It is our job to share the details of a tragedy, to provide a historic record, but we know that by doing so we are adding to the suffering of family and friends.
Because of the stigma attached to mental health issues, we know the coverage of a suicide is even more hurtful. Along with the usual grief, there are so many unanswered questions. And often there is guilt, uncalled for because suicide attempters are very good at concealing their pain and hiding their plans, but agonizing guilt nonetheless.
Aside from cut and dried reports of a suicide death, reporters are hesitant to touch the topic. That is why receiving an email from John Bauer asking to talk about his daughter’s passing took my breath away. He attached the Grand Rapids Herald Review article and asked if we would reprint it. John wanted to share the painful path his family has been on.
In his grief, John Bauer is reaching out to others. He and his family talked about Megan’s life and death on the public television series Call Me Mental in a segment on suicide. In that video, John shares the terrible statistic that someone in the United States takes his or her life every 13 minutes.
In addition to sharing the story of his beloved daughter, John Bauer is gathering the tales of others who have been touched by the tragedy of suicide to be presented in a special multimedia exhibit in 2016. At press time he said he had heard from about 25 people who wanted to participate in some way.
There are others out there. Others who need to talk about their loss, who should not have to hide the way their loved ones died. John Bauer notes that it would be good if someday instead of saying a suicide victim had “died unexpectedly” obituaries could be similar to people who have perished from cancer or heart disease. John Bauer said his goal is to instead see obituaries share the truth—that a loved one died “after a long and courageous battle with mental illness.”
And better yet, John hopes that his exhibit, his call to talk about it, will lead to suicide prevention. He said if he can prevent one person from killing himself or herself the painful work he has undertaken will be worth it.
There are some who think that talking about suicide will lead to a suicide attempt. The therapists I’ve spoken with say that is not the case. In fact, they said checking in with a person who suffers from depression is more likely helpful than hurtful. Letting a person who struggles with depression know that they can call you anytime to talk is helpful. Sometimes despair strikes at unexpected times, at times when a person feels he or she should be happy. Having a phone number—or a list of phone numbers of people who care—close by can help.
Asking difficult questions like, “That sounds like an awful lot for one person to take; has it made you want to hurt yourself?” or “Are you feeling so bad that you’re considering suicide?” can actually be a relief to someone who is contemplating that extreme measure. Asking those questions can free a person to talk about it and to hopefully consider other options.
Suicide is not easy to think about, to talk about and certainly not to write about. But with efforts like the exhibit being put together by John Bauer, the discussion will be little easier.
The life of every person is like a
diary in which he means to write
one story, and writes another.
James Barrie
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