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In a field of milkweed, Rob Perez sits with Mary the Monarch Butterfly.
Rob Perez: Mary, thank you for taking the time.
Mary: My pleasure.
RP: Do you enjoy being a butterfly?
M: It’s nice to finally be an adult. And flying is fun.
RP: About that. Some say your flight pattern is, how shall we say, a bit erratic.
M: I can migrate 3000 miles on these wings.
RP: Boy, it didn’t take long for you to bring that up.
M: Have you ever flown 3000 miles?
RP: I have on a plane. Does that count?
Mary rolls her compound eyes.
RP: Some people say you just flitter about. Would you care to comment?
M: Look, I flit about. I do not flitter. The words may sound similar, but they are not the same. Do you think I can get 3000 miles flittering?
RP: You really like to work that into the conversation.
M: I do flutter about.
RP: And the precise meaning of flutter is…
M: To fly unsteadily by flapping my wings.
RP: Okay, thank you for parsing some of that language for us. Maybe we can discuss your origins?
M: Of course.
RP: I believe you start your life as a caterpillar.
M: Well, no. I begin life as an egg. Then onto larva, which is a fancy word for caterpillar. Then we get to the pupa stage.
RP: Let’s try to keep it clean. This is a family column.
M: Okay. We can just call that the chrysalis stage.
RP: That’s better. Let’s call it that. And, as I understand it, you undergo a complete metamorphosis?
M: I do indeed.
RP: Have you ever read Kafka?
M: Of course. But Kafka’s Metamorphosis is a descent into the hideous whereas the caterpillar’s metamorphosis is an ascent toward perfection.
RP: Wow. That’s a very high opinion you have of yourself.
M: Well, I am a Monarch.
RP: A monarch… butterfly, yes. So, are you a Royalist?
M: Oh, yes. I support the idea of a monarchy, the queen, for example, as a titular head of state. And a symbol. For the people.
RP: And what’s your position on a constitutional monarchy?
M: I try to stay out of politics. I’m just a Monarch.
RP: A monarch… butterfly, yes. Have you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle?
M: I once was a very hungry caterpillar. RP: Hmm. I’ll take that as a No. Moving on. You have had a unique experience in a cocoon. Would you please share a bit about that phase of your life?
M: Have you seen the movie Cocoon?
RP: The, um, 1985 film with Wilford Brimley and Don Ameche? M: And Steve Guttenberg, yes. Cocoon, the moving picture, is a moving, 80s flick and it is all I know about cocoons. Monarchs transform into a chrysalis, not a cocoon. And being in a chrysalis is an ordeal. I mean, change is hard. And this change is a life-changing change, if you catch my drift. Have you ever grown a new body part?
R: Not one.
M: It’s no joke. You go in there, a caterpillar. 8-10 days later, you come out and you’re a Monarch.
RP: A monarch… butterfly, yes.
M: With 3000 miles in your future.
RP: Well, as long as you keep bringing that up. I’m a bit confused about your life cycle. I thought an adult monarch butterfly only lived about three to five weeks.
M: That’s correct.
R: So, are you going to migrate 3000 miles in that time? M: Well, my generation is going to find a mate, lay a few hundred eggs, and then three to five weeks later, call it a day.
R: So, who’s going 3000 miles?
M: Only the first and last generation of the season. Instead of living a few weeks, they live up to nine months long. Here’s a hot tip: You live a lot longer if you’re not reproducing.
R: Good to know. But the 3000 miles you keep bringing up– You’re not actually flying 3000 miles?
M: Um, me personally? Mary the Monarch?
R: Are you, Mary the monarch butterfly going to fly 3000 miles?
M: I might jump on a plane. Does that count?
Rob rolls his eyes. Mary, sensing the interview is over, flutters off.
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